My Cheap Version of Therapy

Music is Magical

2012-01-27T19:15:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to report that so far my daughter seems to like my taste in music! Well, who am I kidding, I really like everything music related (and I hope she will too), but at home I tend to have "coffeehouse rock" on and in the car is "hits 1." The louder I play it and sing it, the happier she is, and at home, throwing dancing in that mix works wonders too. This is surprising, considering I'm a pretty horrible dancer. She luckily doesn't see to mind.

Gosh I love music, though not as much as I love Stella...and her adorable cheeks too. :)

Chocolate Chip Cookies on the Brain

2012-01-27T07:40:00.004-07:00

My grandma has always made awesome chocolate chip cookies. I believe it was a recipe that came from her mother which was then was passed down to my mother and to me. I remember my Mom telling me that she slashed the sugar in the recipe in half when she started making them, and apparently none of us kids even noticed! They are AWESOME cookies (oatmeal chocolate chip - the only thing in the world that I actually use CRISCO as an ingredient in). Seeing them cooling on cut open brown paper bags on the counter will forever invoke strong childhood memories in my mind.

Photo courtesy of my Mom!

Charlie's grandma also loved chocolate chip cookies, though her diabetes was so bad the last few years that she wasn't allowed to eat them. She didn't want to stop baking them though, so she'd make batches and bring them to bake sales or to the communal dining room to share with her friends and other residents of the building. I wasn't kidding when I said they are actually burying her today with some of her favorite cookies! LOL

My Grandmother always put her fluffy cookies in the freezer because my uncles loved them cold and crunchy.

Charlie's Granny made a version without oatmeal that was soft and doughy and flat.

I like them best somewhere in the middle!

For my birthday last Friday, I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies (with the new hand mixer from my Mom - thanks, Mom!). They were cooking when everyone started showing up for the party, and I totally forgot to take them out of the oven. When I took them out, I was sad to see that they had baked a few minutes too many and were obviously going to be hard as rocks.

THEN, I remembered this little trick. Put the cookies in an airtight container, add a slice of bread, and VOILA - soft cookies!

Isn't that weird? But it works. Just thought that little tip might come in handy for the next time you over bake your favorite cookies but can't stand to throw them out. :-) Worked for me - I ate 4 of those softened up beauties yesterday, all the while thinking about my husband and his family out in St. Louis, eating chocolate chip cookies themselves.

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Grandma Joan's Chocolate Chip Cookies

2c. crisco

3/4 c.white sugar

3/4c. brown sugar

4 eggs

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla

4 c. oatmeal (Quick or Old Fashioned)

3 c. flour

12 oz. chocolate chips

Mix ingredients together, put on cookie sheet in little balls, and bake at 350 degrees for 12 min. or so (here at high altitude, I usually bake for 14 min).

Makes 4-5 dozen, depending on how big you make the cookies.

Enjoy!

Stella Times...Week 7

2012-01-26T13:18:00.001-07:00

To My Little Stella,

This 7th week of your life marked the first one where you lost a family member. Sadly, you never got to meet your Great Granny Ann, but she was SO excited when she found out you were here and demanded that we send her pictures asap! I love that as long as I've known your Daddy, he has made a point of calling her every single week, just to talk. I hope you are that close with your grandparents when you grow up! This has been a really hard, sad week for your Dad...it's hard to lose people you love so much. We are thankful she was at peace and ready to meet God.

Just so you know, your GreatGrannie was a crazy, funny lady that we all loved very much. It was not uncommon for us to groan and say, "Oh, Ann" while shaking our heads and laughing. She was manipulative and needy (in the funniest of ways!) and always wanted us to tell her that we loved her "the best" and that we had visited her first (i.e. before the other grandparents) when we were on a trip to St. Louis. She would sneakily slip comments into conversation, just to see if she could get you to agree with her. It drove us all a bit batty, but it was funny all the same. She was a great lady. :-)

Today is her funeral, and I think it was really good your Dad got to fly out to St. Louis to say goodbye. He said they made dozens and dozens of chocolate chip cookies yesterday to bring to the wake, and they're even going to bury a few with her in her coffin. Chocolate chip cookies were her favorite! Daddy made sure he "stole some sugar" from you to bring to her. Grannie loved stealin' sugar (kisses) from her family.

---

Since your Daddy and Auntie Jaime flew out early Tuesday morning for Grannie's funeral, it's been just you and me this week. You're such a snuggler and love to cuddle and be held all the time. It's something I hoped for (to have a snuggly baby!), but I sure don't get much done without your Dad here to hold you sometimes.

We do a lot of dancing to loud music lately, as well as lots of bouncing on the exercise ball in the evenings. That's your fussy time of day lately, but as long as you are being held and moving, you're happy, so we oblige. :)

Most of the day, you SMILE all the time lately. It makes me smile back at you every single time! You'll have a quiet, pensive look on your face, and all of a sudden you'll coo and giggle and break out in the biggest grin. You crack me up, child.

You're definitely still growing - and quickly! I had to put away almost all of your newborn sized clothing this week - you're just too long and hate when you can't stretch out in an outfit. I can still squeeze you into a couple of my favorite onesies that don't go to your feet, but those days are numbered. For the most part, you're in 0-3 month clothes and size 1 diapers (on your cloth diapers, we leave 2 buttons on bottom and 4 on the top showing. When we started you in those diapers three weeks ago, we left two and two - so your cute little belly is definitely growing!

Your head control is growing by leaps and bounds - you are just so darn strong. I took you on a couple of walks this week in the stroller without you in your car seat for the first time, and you did great! When I hold you, you constantly look around, and love nothing more than looking OVER my shoulder and up and around at things. I'm going to have to take the newborn insert out of your car seat this week too - you're too tall for it!

You are NOT a fan of tummy time on the floor, but if I lay you on my stomach when I'm reclining in my chair, then you love to hold your head way up and look around. On the floor though, look out, because you are going to scream!

You still LOVE the water, and probably every other day I'll give you a bath or take you in the shower with me. You instantly calm down and smile when the water touches you. Cutest thing ever. :-)

Chief still rarely notices or pays attention to you, though as you get louder and move more, I'm sure that will change. I hoping you two will be best buddies as you grow up.

It's been a crazy week filled with lots of joys and sorrows. I brought you to church with me on Sunday, and you did absolutely great. When I stood up to share my joys and sorrows (you and Granny), I'm not sure if I was crying in sadness about Granny, in happiness about you, or most likely, a little bit of both. I am so thankful that you are in our lives.

I love you,

Momma

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In: 7 Weeks Postpartum

2012-01-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hm...okay, so I can't turn 30, drink beer and eat cheese dips and chocolate chip cookie dough to my heart's content for three days, and expect to lose weight. So noted. :P

I had four days of good tracking and staying within my calorie goal, though two of the four I wasn't eating the healthiest of foods. I had three days of eating without counting a calorie. That is mostly the fault of my own neurotic, cheap self. I made a couple dips as appetizers and cookies for dessert for my birthday party on Friday (we had 8 friends over for dinner and drinks), and we had a ton of leftovers. I'm too cheap to let anything go to waste, so I end up eating random shit for my meals to make sure we don't have to toss anything. Stupid. Time to let it go and move forward though.

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Goal Weight: 142# (BMI of 21.6), so I have 21# to go.

Starting Weight: 166#
Last Week's Weight: 161#
Current Weight: 163# --> 2# gain

Starting BMI: 25.2
Last Week's BMI: 24.5
Current BMI: 24.8

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals:

Progress on last week's activities:
Yikes. I think I underestimated how hard it would be to get in elliptical time with Miss Stella not on a schedule... plus when she is sleeping, I tend to blog instead of work out. *not good* I didn't use the elliptical once - nor did I do any ab exercises.

I did take a really good walk with a fellow Mom (whose daughter was born 10 days before Stella) on my birthday. It was a 3mi walk with the strollers, and we were huffing and puffing by the final few blocks uphill back to my house.

It snowed a bunch this past weekend, so I'm not sure how realistic it is to try to start the running program with the stroller right now. Charlie is also out of town until Saturday for his Grandmother's funeral, so I don't have a babysitter so that I could run on my own, SO, the 5k program is going to get pushed back a bit here. In the meantime...

Activities & goals for this coming week:
Eat a salad for lunch every day, and track my caloric intake using MyFitnessPal. (_josey_)
Do the elliptical 3x.
Do special ab exercises 3x to help with the diastasis recti I have going on.

On-going Life Style Goals:
Drink 8oz every time I sit down to nurse Stella (drinking roughly 100oz water/day).
Walk the 1 mile to the post office with Stella in her stroller at least 2x.

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

If you just had a baby, make sure you check to see if you have diastasis recti (thanks for the heads up about this Nico).

If you have diastasis recti either during pregnancy or after pregnancy, then you should not do the traditional Core exercises.

If diastasis recti (a separation of the right and left side muscles of your belly) occurs, then you should stay away from twisting motions, planks, quadruped positions, crunches and most traditional abdominal exercises. You will need to train the pelvic floor and transverse abdominis to re-create the strength and integrity of your core. You can do this with pelvic floor training, supported crunches and TA training.

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Please let me know if you want me to add you to the list below to join in on WWW!

Michele @ Nowhere in NM (TTCer)

Gee @ Gee Baby (TTCer)
Mag @ Witty Infertility (TTCer)

Nico @ Phred, Fwed, and Schweffel (pregnant)

Kristy @ Relaxing Doesn't Get You Pregnant (postpartum)

Donor Diva @ Motherhood via Egg Donation (postpartum)

One Day @ Are We There Yet? (postpartum)

Laura @ Legos and Jets (postpartum)

Bridget @ The Lost Stork (postpartum)
ks @ Inconceivable!?!?! (postpartum)
jenn @ Adventures of a Nomadic Housewife (postpartum)
Holly @ Holly G. and Co. (postpartum)
3 bed 2 bath 1 baby (postpartum)

The Nursery Necessities

2012-01-24T11:37:00.001-07:00

I meant to at least do a first draft post of this pre-baby, but obviously that never happened. :) We waited on a few decorative items until after Stella arrived, since we (okay, I) wanted to be able to make the nursery a little more boyish or girlish, depending on which gender we had. Since Stella came out a she, that meant PINK. Yes, I'm one of those people that loves pink, though I try not to go too hog wild with it.

Without further ado, here is the progression of the loft that became the nursery!

Right after painting and moving in (May 2010) - our exercise area / office. Very plain.
Our bedroom is behind the orange wall on the right.
Our bathroom is right behind where I'm standing to take the picture.
There is one closet in the loft and two closets in the bedroom. That's the whole upstairs!

In September 2011, after cleaning it out and washing the carpets to get ready for RockStar!

What it looks like today! It's a small space, but I think it's perfect. :-)

I'll give you a little breakdown of the furniture and items we bought, just because I'm ~~neurotic~~ thorough like that and liked getting ideas from other blogger's nurseries when I was planning ours. :-)

Wall Hanging - Handmade by my Grandma - click on the link for the story. :)
Blackout CORDLESS Cellular shades - Blindster.com - $120. We had to get a custom width and I wanted cordless for child safety reasons, so this was slightly more expensive (you can usually get them for around $50).
Whitney Drapes (Heart curtains) - JCPenny.com - $30. It is normally $80 for two panels, but thanks to a 1/2 off sale and a $10 off coupon, I paid $30. I see they are $15/ea online now, so I'm doubly glad I only paid $30!
Misc. pictures over the dresser - all frames I had on hand stuffed in a closet. I see this section evolving as we spend more time in the space.

Boppy (leaning on the glider) - Target - $40. LOVE these. I have one upstairs in the nursery and one downstairs on the couch (thanks, Mom!). In the beginning, I'd sit on one (thanks to bottom pain from the stitches) and use one for nursing. Now it's just really nice to have one on each floor.
Dutailier Glider + nursing ottoman - Craigslist.org - The model I wanted was $878 new. This model was 7 years old but in great condition, and I found it used for $200. It is hands down the BEST PURCHASE OF THE NURSERY. I use it all the time. The recline feature is GREAT when it's 4am and the baby you're rocking won't sleep, and the nursing platform on the ottoman is great for keeping your knees up and saving your back while the baby nurses. Even if I hadn't found it on Craig's List, I'd have bought this new, it's that awesome.
White wooden side table - Free from MIL's back porch. Important to have for your water, etc. in the middle of the night!
Pink wicker trash basket - Target.com - $13. We didn't need a big trash can since we're using cloth diapers and not disposables.
Dresser - Craigslist.org - $50 (used). We wanted one that was the right height & depth to double as a changing table. We also bought No-VOC white paint from Sherwin Williams, $20 (with plenty left over in the quart to use on other projects if we'd like). We were going to change out the hardware, but I kind of like the original antiquey hardware for a little girl's room, so for now it's staying.
Summer Infant Contoured Changing pad - Amazon.com - $20. I like that it curves up on the sides to help keep baby from rolling off, and it has a strap in back to screw into your dresser (and a belt to strap your baby on if you want).
Basic Comfort Ultra Plush Changing Pad Cover (also by Summer Infant) - Amazon.com - $15. I bought two of these, one ecru - one pink, because one is always in the wash!
Koala Baby Clothes Hamper - Babies-r-us - $21. I like this b/c there is a removable, machine-washable mesh bag inside, which helps keep mold issues at bay from wet baby clothes / burp cloths / etc. The little pink storage container next to the changing pad was also from Babies'r'Us (on sale for $5).
Planet Wise Diaper Wet Bag (hanging on the side of the hamper) - Amazon.com - $19. A must have if you're cloth diapering. The bag pictured is a large, but I also have it in medium and small - eventually I'll send the medium to the daycare and keep the small in my diaper bag.

Floor lamp - JCPenny - We already owned this...I think it was $150 but we bought it for half off last year? We have a dim bulb in it so its perfect to have on for nighttime diaper changes and feedings (there isn't an overhead light in the loft).
Framed footprints - the hospital made this for us! It just says her name, where she was born, etc. and they inked her footprints on it. I put it in a frame I already owned.
Wall Decal - Amazon.com - $25. You can find these on all sorts of different sites of course. This one took me FOREVER to apply b/c of our lightly textured walls, but I love how it turned out!
Stella wall graphic - Blawnde's Blawg - Steph made this for me and I think it turned out awesome!
I printed it for $5 at Walgreens and put it in a clear frame I already owned.
Europe Baby Geneva 4-in-1 Convertible Crib - Cribs.com - $175 (I've seen it for $300 elsewhere). This can convert to a toddler bed later if we want.
Shelf for blankets - cheap TV tray type shelf from target that we already owned with a blanket over it.

Expedit Shelving Unit - Ikea - $70 (shelf), $20 (4 cloth boxes), $30 (2 sets of casters)
LOVE this shelf - it's perfect for the space, and the boxes have various items in them like extra crib sheets, toys, etc.
Misc. Picture Frames - from around my house and baby shower gifts
Baby Books - at my shower, instead of giving cards, everyone brought a baby book and wrote in the cover. A fun way to build your library and never forget where you got the book from. :)

This is my view from my glider. I highly recommend liking everything in your view because you will spend hours staring at things in the middle of the night!

Next to my chair - whatever book I'm reading at the moment, my Kindle, my cell, and my ice water.
Burp rags, pacifiers, snot suckers, etc. have also found their way onto this table. :)

This closet is half baby / half hubby work clothes right now. We also have size 6mo+ clothes in another closet, a hanging organizer basket system on the closet door for burp rags, towels, etc., and more clothes in the dresser.
Hanging organizer shelf was from Target for $20.

A closer up view of the wall decal (this is the last picture I took before I went into labor!).

I hope you enjoyed this little tour of our nursery! It's a small space, but we really like having her stuff all close to our bedroom and still having our 2nd bedroom free to be a guest room for friends and family for the time being. We'll add a permanent gate to the top of the stairs once she starts crawling, but for the most part, the nursery is finally complete! All together, the cost of furniture + furnishings was just under $1,000, and I'd say half of that we got as baby shower gifts from our registry. $565 was the glider, dresser, crib, and bookshelf - not bad for four pretty significant pieces of furniture!

The End of an Era

2012-01-23T17:51:00.000-07:00

We just got the phone call that we've been waiting on for the past week (or in all honesty, for the past few years). Charlie's Grannie Annie is gone to Heaven, and though we're happy for her, we're sad for us. :*(

She was a spitfire. A character. An eccentric, self-centered hoot. She called me "Posey" the first few years I dated her favorite grandson, just because she could...and then she'd give me a sly smile and then laugh hysterically every single time.

I wonder if Stella will be anything like her?

After Ann took a turn for the worse a couple of weeks ago, I finally made a point of getting Stella's birth announcement put in the paper, because you're only supposed to list living grandparents, and I wanted it remembered that Grannie and Stella were both here on Earth for a few weeks together.

It's so sad they never got to meet.

To Sleep or Not To Sleep

2012-01-23T11:32:00.000-07:00

Miss Mac just wrote a great post about how they have five different types of beds for their little boy and had grand plans for his sleep habits, and yet every night he ends up sleeping in her arms, warm and snugly, for hours at a time, on and off the boob buffet.

I can so relate. :-)

The plan was to have Stella sleep, tightly swaddled, in the Arm's Reach co-sleeper. That way she wasn't actually in bed with us, but she was bundled up safe and close for the middle of the night feedings. Great plan, right?

I took this picture during a nap that Miss Stella took this past week, but it is definitely not the norm.

This. This is the norm.

During the day, she'll doze in the swing. She'll doze in the boppy. She'll doze in my bed. She'll doze on Daddy's chest. She'll doze on Mommy's chest. She'll doze in the moby. She'll doze in my lap. She probably dozes everywhere they tell you not to let your child sleep.

...and you know what? I don't think it makes me a bad Mom.

I DON'T co-sleep while drunk and I'm not a super deep sleeper. I 100% trust that I'm not going to roll out of bed in the middle of the night, and I also don't believe that I could roll over on my daughter. If I was worried about it at all, I wouldn't co-sleep.
I DON'T leave her unattended near loose blankets or pillows that she could slide down and suffocate in.

I DO sleep more (as do my husband and daughter) thanks to co-sleeping.
I DO get more time to cuddle with my daughter.
I DO love the quality time together.
I DO nurse on demand, and I'm sure that contributes to my sleeping preferences.
I DO think that everyone is different, and this is what works for us.

I'm reading The Happiest Baby on the Block, and so far I really like it. He really stresses how these first few months YOU CANNOT SPOIL A BABY by holding her too much or by picking her up when she cries. She's used to being held and fed 24/7 in your womb, so this world is a huge adjustment to say the least. Even if you're holding her 12 hours a day right now, that feels like a 50% reduction to her - not like spoiling!

I don't know how to express it better than by saying that this feels right to me.

It feels right to pick her up when she cries.
It feels right to nurse her when she's hungry instead of trying to get her on a schedule already.
It feels right to cuddle as much as possible while I can!

I'm not against a routine per se...I just don't think it's critical to follow one very strictly these first few months when she is so tiny and needs to eat and sleep so often.

We are starting to do more of a bed time routine. Around 8pm, I change her, swaddle her up tight in her halo sleepsack (she really does sleep better tightly swaddled right now), and nurse her. Then I put her down drowsy in the co-sleeper, and we cross our fingers and pray that she'll at least sleep the first 3-4 hr stretch in there.

When she does, it's nice! I'm not gonna lie... :)
Charlie and I get to cuddle and watch some TV and sleep a couple of hours.

When she doesn't, that's okay too!
I pull her into bed, snuggle her up close, and shhhh her until she goes to sleep (or give her the boob until she falls asleep).

I'm sure our sleep routine will change greatly as she grows.
I'm sure that routines will become more important to follow, and she'll be able to go longer between feedings which will help everything.
I'm sure I'll rejoice the first time I sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time (much less through the night).
I'm sure I'll want more cuddly alone time with my husband, and some day that will prompt us to move her to the crib in the next room.

But in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every minute of my cuddle time with my baby, and that's okay.

Cloth Diapering 101

2012-01-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write this post for awhile now, not because I'm already an expert...I'm probably the furthest thing from it...but because I think it's super important for people to realize how truly easy this is and to give it a shot.

I think we should try cloth diapers.

When I first uttered those words shortly after finding out were finally expecting a baby, my husband just rolled his eyes, snorted, and clearly expressed his feelings of no way in hell are we doing that.

Fast forward a few months, I've been researching our options, and after reading this awesome review by Young House Love, I'm convinced I want to at least give it a shot. Because my husband was so hesitant to even try it, I decided to go the easiest route possible that I could find, so we registered for the bumGenius Elemental One-size cloth diapers.

Looking for organic, natural fibers next to your baby’s bottom? Our award winning one-size bumGenius design is now available with luxuriously soft, 100% organic cotton inside. bumGenius Organic One-Size Cloth Diapers offer an industry first - tabs that stretch for a perfect fit. Stretchy tabs combined with our brand-new snap fasteners make cloth diapering easy. Our new, "no-stuff" system available only in the bumGenius Organic One-Size Cloth Diaper is an ideal solution for families with a child in day-care or family members resistant to cloth diapers! It really is as easy to use as a disposable diaper. Using the snaps on the front of the diaper, adjust the size if needed, put the diaper on your baby, wash, dry and re-use. No extra steps. No stuffing. No cover required. Our one-size diapers are designed to fit most babies weighing between 7 and 35 pounds.

No inserts. No extra steps. Organic cotton against my baby's bottom. I like it.

I registered for 15 diapers - 5 sets of 3, each a different color. I picked all neutral colors (orange, green, light blue, yellow, and purple), figuring that if we liked them, they'd work for a boy in the future if we ended up being blessed with a #2 that was of the opposite gender. So far that number has been fine, though just for outfit purposes, I might invest in three more in a pink color, just because I think Stella is so darn cute in pink. :) Also, she is currently going through up to 10 diapers a day, so having three more would allow me to do laundry every other day instead of every day and a half.

Since we didn't invest in any newborn sized cloth diapers (which they do sell!), Stella spent the first four weeks in disposables (which I'd highly recommend for the first week anyway thanks to the disgusting, thick, sticky, tar-like meconium poops your darling baby will be passing). If you are sure of the baby's size, you can buy a bigger box of disposable diapers for cost savings. In our case, we were using Huggies Snugglers NB, which were $20 for 72 diapers. That means about $20/week or $85/month (I'm sure there are other disposable options out there that cost more of less, but that seems like a pretty typical middle ground number). Now we keep some disposables on hand for those times that I haven't gotten around to doing laundry in time and/or want to throw a quick disposable in my purse or something. In think in the past 2 1/2 weeks of cloth diapering, we've used maybe five disposables. As I get in the habit of the laundry thing, I'm guessing that number will go down even more. I also have a small wet bag that I throw a cloth diaper and some wipes in and then throw in the diaper bag now, so I really don't need disposables even when I'm on the go.

The cloth diapers we chose to use run about $25/diaper, or $265/12 pack. That means that within 3-4 months of using cloth, we'll have already broke even on what we would have spent on disposables, and every day beyond that is a cost savings. Since the kiddo could opt to use a big girl potty anytime from 18 months to over four years (please God let it be closer to 18 months), that adds up quickly to savings in the thousands!!

So that's the cost incentive that I used to talk my husband into trying this out. The next selling point (for me) was the good I was doing for the environment. Yes, I'm using a little more water, but I'm keeping roughly 10,000 diapers out of the landfill. That's a huge number!

The final hurdle, as I mentioned before, was convenience. Everyone was telling me that I'd regret having to "mess with the cloth thing," but IT IS SO EASY. I cannot say that enough.

(1) Take wet/dirty diaper off of baby.
...(1a) If very poopy, set aside to spray off
...(1b) If wet or barely poopy, toss in the wet bag that is hanging next to clothing hamper and zip the bag shut.
(2) Put new diaper on the baby.

That's it!

Once I've changed Stella, if it was a bad poopy diaper, I'll spray it off quick with the sprayer attachment we installed on our toilet, and then toss it in the wet bag. Every day and a half (or whenever we have about 3 clean diapers left), I grab the bag, bring it into the laundry room, empty the bag into the washer and toss the entire bag into the washing machine with the diapers (it's just under 1/2 load in my washer). I run one rinse cycle on cold with a little bit of laundry detergent (I've been using Charlie's Soap) to clean up the diapers, then add in whatever clothes of Stella's I have in the laundry basket and run a full wash cycle on warm or hot with a regular amount of detergent (1/2 Tbsp of Charlie's for us). So far that works out well - poop and spit up stains don't sit forever on Stella's clothes and have a chance to set, and everything is clean every second day. Our dryer is old and sucks, so I often have to run the cycle twice to get everything nice and dry, but in the summer I'll be hanging them out on a line to dry (both for economical reasons and for bleaching purposes), further increasing our cost savings.

A few final points/tips...

*If the inner cloth of the diaper is getting stained (the organic cotton is super absorbent and holds onto discoloration sometimes!), lay the clean, damp diaper in the sun to dry and it will bleach it back white again.
*Cloth diapers have both velcro and snap closure options - we've read that snaps hold up better to the test of time, so that's what we went with!
*Since we switched to cloth, Stella hasn't had a diaper rash. She was getting maybe one per week that first month, and I'm glad to see her little butt isn't red and sore anymore!

For good tips on cloth diapering twins (and for a review of other types of cloth diapers, including ones with covers and inserts), click here!

**EDITED TO ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS FROM THE COMMENTS**

@Nico - I based the 10k number on a kid that potty trained later, and I didn't realize how soon the number of diapers used per day drops. Like you said - 5,000 is still a crap load of diapers.

@Kristin - I'd say the cloth diapers are MORE absorbent than disposable. We've had a couple of blowouts with cloth, but the blowouts were deserved - i.e. so huge that they easily would have been blowouts with disposables too. Poo and pee are going to get on you when you have a kid, it's just a fact of life. :)

@Holly - there are types of cloth diapers with flushable inserts (which, yes, I'd assume are horrible for septic systems). There are also cloth diapers with cloth inserts that you wash and stuff. We just happened to go with the all-in-ones so there's no stuffing or anything involved.

@Jackie - The post I linked to up top by YHL mentions that they have a front loader washer/dryer combo and no problems. They've been using CD for 18+ months with no issues. Also, another reason we chose the all-in-ones is b/c daycares that aren't CD friendly will often make exceptions for the all-in-ones b/c there are NO extra steps for them - just drop the CD in the wet bag you supply instead of their trash can, and you take care of the washing.

C25K...The Gift of Good Health

2012-01-20T00:00:00.000-07:00

I've just learned that "C25K" is the runner's lingo for a couch to 5k running program. Basically, this is a training schedule that allows for someone who has never found running to be easy to "become" a runner.

One Day posted the other day about how she is doing a C25k program to help get back into shape post twins, and it totally inspired me to try to do the same. Last time I was a "runner" was 10 years ago when I was a junior in college and I was in the best shape of my adult life (and weighed in at about 145#). I ended up having to quit because of knee issues, so I'm hoping that has healed itself over the past decade and I can do this. I have my awesome jogging stroller that I bought last June, so the plan is to go running with Stella and have that be one of her nap times for the time being.

Ann (wow, you're going by Ann now?) - how did you pick a lifting program to do in conjunction with your running training in order to best strengthen and protect your knees? I'll need to modify it to something I can do at home with light weights and body resistance, but I know I need to do something!

I found an awesome podcast to help keep me motivated during the training runs, and the plan is to take as long as I need, but still be trying to stick to the 8 week schedule as closely as I can. I'm a little nervous about running at high altitude, with a stroller, with exercise induced asthma, in the cold winter of Colorado, but I know that I can do this! Between this C25k program, getting back into hot yoga, doing some weight training, breastfeeding, and eating right, the goal is to be down 19# in the next 19 weeks. Wish me luck!

Happy 30th Birthday to me. :-)

Stella Times...Week 6

2012-01-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

To My Darling Daughter,

You are six weeks old today. SIX. These weeks just keep flying by, and you are growing and stretching and becoming so much bigger, every single day. I had my first postpartum checkup today, and it looks like you and I are both doing great, so that is pretty wonderful news! You were a total charmer in the office too - wide awake, alert, smiling, cooing, talking... you name it, and your cute self was doing it. You won everyone over for sure. :)

A scan of the picture they took of us for the baby wall of fame at the midwife office.
You look like a little doll!

Now that I got the all clear from the midwife, expect to go on lots more walks (runs?!) soon as Mom tries to do a Couch to 5K program while pushing you in a stroller. I'm a little nervous about it, but I think it will be good for both of us. I just need to figure out how to time it with one of your naps. :-)

Every week you are becoming more and more alert, and it's so fun to see your big blue eyes actually looking at things now. I know you can't see far, but you sure make it look like you can. You have started smacking your lips this week too, and it's the silliest, cutest thing I've ever seen. The only problem is that you usually do if after you pull off my nipple mid-suck, so as I grimace in pain, you smack your lips and then grin at me. It's a good thing you're cute.

You had another little growth spurt this week from 5w2d - 5w5d where you wanted nothing but to eat, cuddle, eat, cuddle... and God help the person who dared put you down for a minute. Luckily, I have unlimited milk for you, and I love to cuddle, so even though it meant a severe lack of sleep, we made it work. :)

And now, for a photo montage of a few of your "firsts" this week:

First pair of jeans and first jean skirt

First night sleeping in the co-sleeper all night... until I pulled you into bed with me at 7am because I missed you so much. This is not to be confused with actually sleeping through the night (on good nights, you wake up every 3 1/2 hrs, on other nights, more than that)...but you did sleep in your own bed instead of cuddled up with me, so it's worth noting. :) Also, in the picture below, you were taking your first nap in the co-sleeper, and I was right next to you watching TV, hence the loose blanket. Normally you're all swaddled up in your halo sleep sack. You look like a little burrito in it and your daddy and I love it!

First cut finger thanks to you moving while I was cutting your nails. You didn't even flinch (you were nursing), but I definitely felt awful. I'm so sorry baby!

First visit to the liquor store (buying beer for my 30th birthday tomorrow!). Yes, I know, I'm old. I'm sure I'll hear that more than once from you. In the meantime, remember that your Mommy was a pretty bad ass partier in her day, and maybe, just maybe, I used to be "cool."

First pictures in the car seat without the winter cover on. You're almost too tall for the infant insert already!

First time partying with Mom & Dad (the Broncos were in the playoffs and sucked it up royally...but we had some friends over to watch the game in hopes they'd pull it off and end up in the Super Bowl!).

First time Daddy figured out how to take a picture of you with my crazy complicated camera because he thought you looked so cute holding your head up. :)

It's been another wonderful week with you in our lives m'dear. We love you so very much.

Mommy

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In: 6 Weeks Postpartum

2012-01-18T15:52:00.002-07:00

Who-hoo!!!! I can't believe I'm already at six weeks post-partum and hopefully getting the a-okay tomorrow from my midwife to start working out again! These past six weeks have gone by SO quickly, and I feel so blessed to have lost the pregnancy weight so easily and to have been able to just focus on my time at home with Stella without feeling worried/bummed about my weight.

That being said, these next few months will be when the real hard work begins. I can't wait to finally get toned and back to my goal weight of 142# - it's been a decade since I've weighed that and felt truly happy with how I looked, but I know I can do this!

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal:

Starting Weight: 166#
Last Week's Weight: 163#
Current Weight: 161# --> 2# loss, and back to my BFP weight!
Goal Weight: 142# ("normal" is 122#-164#)

Starting BMI: 25.2
Last Week's BMI: 24.8
Current BMI: 24.5
Goal BMI: 21.6 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals:

Progress on last week's activities:
I did great - drank a lot of water, walked to the post office twice (1mile round trip), and ate pretty healthily. I tracked calories using MyFitnessPal (username _josey_ if you want to be friends on there!), and it definitely helped me a lot to be more conscious about what I was eating. For my height and activity level, they want me consuming 1890/day to maintain. I know that breastfeeding requires an extra 200-500/day, so I decided to just shoot for the maintenance level for a bit here and assume that would actually result in a net loss for me. For the six days I tracked last week, I averaged 1833, and that felt good. I wasn't hungry, but I wasn't stuffed. We'll see how that adjusts over the next few weeks. I don't want to be losing more than 1#/week on average since I'm breastfeeding. We are 19 weeks from June 1st, and I'm 19# from my goal. I would love to be fit and healthy to start my first summer in my 30s!

Activities for this coming week:
If I get the go ahead from my midwife tomorrow, I want to use the elliptical 3x this week and start some sort of ab exercises. I'm going to do some research on how best to get the lower abs back post partum. Any exercises out there that you love or swear by?

On-going Life Style Goals:
Drink 8oz every time I sit down to nurse Stella (drinking roughly 100oz water/day).
Walk the 1 mile to the post office with Stella in her stroller at least 2x.
Count calories using MyFitnessPal.

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

BFP Day and then 6 weeks post-partum today.

Same weight (161#)...very different shape!

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Please let me know if you want me to add you to the list below to join in on WWW!

Michele @ Nowhere in NM (TTCer)

Holly @ Holly G. and Co. (TTCer)

Gee @ Gee Baby (TTCer)

Nico @ Phred, Fwed, and Schweffel (pregnant)

Kristy @ Relaxing Doesn't Get You Pregnant (post-partum)

Donor Diva @ Motherhood via Egg Donation (post-partum)

One Day @ Are We There Yet? (post-partum)

Laura @ Legos and Jets (post-partum)

Bridget @ The Lost Stork (post-partum)
ks @ Inconceivable!?!?! (post-partum)

Happy Birthday Momma (now known as Nana Mama!)

2012-01-16T15:35:00.001-07:00

I'm still without computer (the new one should hopefully arrive tomorrow!!), so I'm down at my old office and just going to quickly direct you to my family blog if you want to see a couple cute videos of Stella "saying" happy birthday to my Mom this morning and playing on her floor mat. If you'd rather avoid yet another baby-centric post (sorry, I can't help it!), I promise to be back soon to more regularly scheduled programming about various assorted topics including, but not limited to, my vagina, my boobs, and my huge fear of having sex and a horrific hangover for my 30th birthday on Friday. Uff da.

Stay tuned... :-)

Big thanks to Stephanie @ Blawnde's Blawg for the onesie (FYI, it says "Made in Colorado" - how very true)! ...and sorry to all of the other bloggers who sent adorable onesies that I haven't posted pics of her in yet, though to my credit a lot of them were 3-6mo sizes so she just doesn't fit into them yet. I'll try to get better about that!

Stella Times...Week 5

2012-01-12T15:22:00.001-07:00

Wow Stella,
We are already past the one-month mark. That is craaaazy m'dear!

This past week marked our first foray into using cloth diapers on you, and so far it's going really well. Based on a really great review by Young House Love, we went with organic all-in-ones that are SO simple to use. We literally take the diaper off of you, drop it in a wet bag hanging from the side of our laundry basket, and then toss the entire bag with diapers in the wash every other day. Daddy was not excited for the change, but I think we've both been pleasantly surprised by how easy it is (plus it is good for the environment and a heck of a lot cheaper than those darn disposables!).

It doesn't hurt that you look super cute while hanging out in just a diaper now too! I have five different colors so I can coordinate with your outfits every day all well. You are better dressed than me, dear child.

As you can see in the picture above, we also finally found a pacifier that you'll take, albeit for very short periods of time. You hated the perfectly round, cylindrical style, but so far the flatter kind (Avent Orthodontic) seems to work for you. I vow here and now to not let that thing sit in your mouth at all times though...for one thing, it ruins the view of your pretty little face for pictures... but it sure comes in handy if we're driving down the road and you decide you're hungry RIGHT.NOW. :-)

At your one month well-child visit yesterday, we found out that you have grown a full inch (22") and gained nearly two pounds (9#13oz) since your low when we brought you home. You still feel tiny to me, but when I look back at pictures from those first few days, I can definitely see so many changes already. It makes me a little happy and a little sad, all at the same time.

We started putting you on your play mat more this week as well. You are not so much a fan of tummy time, but on your back you are perfectly content to kick and punch the toys while I pump in the mornings after your first feeding. It works out well for both of us. :-)

We love you so much, little girl!

Mommy

Another Rant Against American Health Care

2012-01-11T17:03:00.001-07:00

...or the lack thereof.

AGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning as I was nursing Stella before heading to town for her one month checkup, I received a phone call from my health insurance agent.

First off, I am NOT happy with this guy. Throughout my pregnancy with Stella, I was on a state insurance program that would cover my "pre-existing condition" of pregnancy (read: they got to charge me a super high premium for maternity coverage), and Charlie was on Assurant. Once Stella arrived, we wanted to save money and simplify things by all being on one plan, because according to my agent, once I had a healthy delivery, the infertility diagnosis would no longer apply and cause issues with pre-existing condition b.s.

He had us cancel our existing policies effective 12/31/11 because he was "certain" we'd have "no problems" getting on the new plan through Cigna (a high deductible HSA plan that covered well-child routine visits and immunizations 100%). I, like a complete and absolute moron, believed him and followed directions.

Well, this morning, one hour before Stella's doctor appointment, I got a call from him that they fucking denied us health coverage.

So much for a sure thing.

I just requested the "why" letter from Cigna, and BOTH my husband I were declined. He is 30, I am 29. We are both in PERFECT FREAKIN HEALTH.

You get one guess why we were BOTH denied.

Health information provided from your application and phone interview indicates history of infertility treatments by spouse in March 2011. This condition and treatment does not meet the approval criteria of our medical underwriting guidelines.

How awesome-sauce is that? So now, not only do I get denied, but SO DOES CHARLIE since he's married to me and I have problems getting knocked up - EVEN THOUGH we have paid for every penny of the IF diagnosis and treatments out of pocket.

Again. AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

We had to pay out of pocket (OOP) for her appointment this morning, which thankfully was just a routine well-child visit that didn't include any shots. It was still a $160 visit ($120 since we paid right there), but this obviously has to get resolved asap. Between a gazillion well child visits and immunization shots over the next year, the OOP expense would get ridiculous quick, plus I am obviously not comfortable with NONE of us being insured right now, not even with major medical. This is the first time in my life I've even gone one day without insurance, and it's all my insurance guy's fault.

@#&$*(&

*tip toeing around and chugging airborne trying not to get sick in the meantime*

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In: 5 Weeks Postpartum

2012-01-11T16:45:00.001-07:00

Sorry for another hurried post. It's hard not having a computer at home to post from, and I'm dashing this off quick from my old office while Stella sleeps. Hopefully by next week I'll have the go-ahead to start working out from my doc AND a new computer to post from!

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal: 21# to go!

Starting Weight: 166#
Last Week's Weight: 163#
Current Weight: 163#
Goal Weight: 142# ("normal" is 122#-164#)

Starting BMI: 25.2
Last Week's BMI: 24.8
Current BMI: 24.8
Goal BMI: 21.6 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals:

Progress on last week's activities:
I did great - drank a lot of water, walked to the post office twice (1mile round trip), and ate pretty healthily.

Activities for this coming week:
Count calories using MyFitnessPal to see what's going on calorie-wise that I'm not losing any weight.
Continue with my on-going goals below.
Hopefully get the OK to start working out after next Thursday!

On-going Goals:
Drink 8oz every time I sit down to nurse Stella (drinking roughly 100oz water/day). YEP!
Walk the 1 mile to the post office with Stella in her stroller at least 2x. YEP!

3. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

Yogurt + fresh berries + granola = another healthy, delicious, easy to make snack!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please let me know if you want me to add you to the list below to join in on WWW!

Michele @ Nowhere in NM (TTCer)

Holly @ Holly G. and Co. (TTCer)

Gee @ Gee Baby (TTCer)

Nico @ Phred, Fwed, and Schweffel (pregnant)

Kristy @ Relaxing Doesn't Get You Pregnant (post-partum)

Donor Diva @ Motherhood via Egg Donation (post-partum)

One Day @ Are We There Yet? (post-partum)

Laura @ Legos and Jets (post-partum)

Bridget @ The Lost Stork (post-partum)

IF Babies Everywhere!

2012-01-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

Right around the same time I got pregnant, a bunch of IF bloggers I follow did as well (take that IF!). It was so fun to follow along with all of their pregnancies, though a little surreal to see so many of us doing it so closely together. I follow nearly 100 IF bloggers, and after 2+ years, they are in many different stages of this journey. Some are PAIF (parenting after infertility), some are pregnant, some are still stuck in the TTC/adoption waiting game hell, and some have taken a break and/or decided to live child free. Usually a couple ladies a month on my list will see that elusive BFP, but it is only that - a couple. Last March/April on the other hand, 14 of those on my list (including me) finally saw BFPs, 4 within a day or two of me.

HFS. That is weird, right?!

At any rate, I've been loving reading through the plethora of different birth stories recently and seeing how different the experience can be for each and every one of us and our babies.

All of the rambling above to say... I pray every day that we all make it to that PAIF list. Each and every one of you deserve it. <3
----------------------------

*Shannon @ Keeping Up with the Cardwells - You got your BFP 10 days before me, and I've long been sad that you went private and I don't know how to reach you to find out how your pregnancy went!! I see you comment on my blog sometimes, but I can't return the favor or email b/c your profile and email are private. Please contact me if you see this!

My beautiful little 1 month old IF miracle. HFS.

Stella Times...Week 4

2012-01-05T15:59:00.000-07:00

My Darling Stella,

It's been both a wonderful week and a rough week in our house. You change and grow every day, but that also means that your Daddy and I don't always know what to do to help you when you're sad! I've read that many babies have growth spurts around three weeks, and I definitely think you had one. You were pretty unhappy and extremely hungry for 2-3 days, and as exhausting as it was, it has made me appreciate even more all of your happy, laid back, sleepy days!

New Years Eve was on a Saturday night this year, and instead of a big party, your Daddy and I were so exhausted that we stayed home as a family of three and went to bed early and cuddled with you. It was perfect. :-) We also spent the afternoon taking you on your very first walk. You did great!

Yesterday, when you were 3 weeks and 6 days old, your Daddy gave you your very first bottle. Once we found the right bottle/nipple combination, it went great! The first nipple was way too fast and you had milk dripping down your face and all over the place, though you didn't seem to mind at all. :-) I am SO happy that you don't seem to care whether your food is coming to you warm from me or cold from a bottle - either way you guzzle it down. This morning you even took a bottle from me!

Every night your Daddy and I thank God that you're in our lives. We love you so, so much.

Mommy

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In: 4 Weeks Postpartum

2012-01-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

Pumping Session #1

2012-01-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

I started writing this post on Monday, but my computer is no longer working and our iPad doesn't work with blogger correctly for writing posts, so my posting is going to be pretty sparse until a new computer is purchased and delivered. I feel LOST!!

As you can probably tell by the picture above, I started pumping on Monday morning after Stella ate about 7am. Not bad - about 2oz total for the first day! Tuesday was just under 1oz total (she had just eaten a ton on both sides), and today (Wed) was about 2 1/2 oz total. Apparently 1/2 - 2 oz total is normal for pumping totals, especially in the beginning, so I'm pretty happy with my numbers!

As I type this, Charlie is home with her trying to give her the first bottle ever (the small one from yesterday), and *fingers crossed* that she has no problems with it, OR with switching back to my boobs. She'll be 4w tomorrow, and it would be SO nice if I could get away for more than 45 minutes at a time to run errands.

Don't get me wrong - I actually love the connection I feel when she's breastfeeding, and I love looking down at her in the middle of the night as she eats - I seriously do. I just miss a little bit of the freedom, and I know my husband would honestly love to be able to feed her sometimes!

On a totally selfish note, it's my 30th birthday two weeks from Friday, and the goal is to have enough pumped and to have a baby who takes bottles easily enough that grandma can watch her and my husband and I can go out for a nice dinner and drinks!!

If anyone is wondering, check out the website below if you're having any issues/questions regarding breastfeeding and pumping. It's SO amazingly helpeful! Kellymom.com

Computer on the fritz :(

2012-01-02T19:09:00.001-07:00

I had a post going this morning about my first time pumping (success! 2 oz in the fridge, not bad for my first day)...but now my computer is on the fritz (quit taking a charge and is dead, possibly forever). I'll be pretty MIA w/o a computer to blog or comment from for awhile. :( Just wanted to check in and say thanks for all the love and support yesterday - I needed that!
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Starting off the New Year with a ... Cry?

2012-01-01T19:17:00.001-07:00

Sooo...umm...yeah. I think reality is finally setting in for us here. Like I mentioned the other day, we've had family here for the majority of Stella's life (day 4 - day 22) which means lots of arms to hold the baby, and very little in the way of routine. Now, after just two days alone, I am beat. For the most part, she has always been a decent sleeper at night (waking up every three hours or so to eat), but for the past two days, she has been super discontent and fussy all.day.long., which means I am totally exhausted. She is wanting to eat all the time, but then falls asleep eating and/or spits up a ton, and wakes up shortly hungry again since she didn't eat much. We've tried making sure her diaper is dry, she's burped, she's not too hot/cold, etc... but we're just not sure how to soothe her. I've read that babies often have growth spurts around three weeks and six weeks, and I'm praying that's what this is and that it passes soon, because I am starting to lose my mind. So far, the majority of this year has consisted of me staring at her perfect little features, telling her how much I love her, and crying because I don't know how to make her stop crying.

What a Year 2011 Has Been...

2011-12-31T16:14:00.001-07:00

I've been reading year in review posts from a lot of my blogger friends over the past few days, and I always find it really interesting to see how many changes each and every one of us goes through over the course of 365 days. All & Sundry does an interesting year end in review post that a lot of my fellow bloggers have followed, so I figured I'd incorporate those Q&As along with some pictures/timeline type stuff. You know this post wouldn't be a true reflection of me if it wasn't overly long-winded, narcissistic, and full of pictures. :)

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Swallowed my pride and filed for unemployment.
Visited an RE, finally got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby girl!

2. Did you keep your 2011 resolutions, and will you make more next year?
I didn't actually make any last year. Resolutions are like weight loss goals (at least for me)...setting yourself up to fail if you have super strict unrealistic expectations... it's all about lifestyle changes!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Lots of close blog friends for sure (namely Oak, Natalie, BU, and Kelly), as well as my IRL friend Heidi.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. Every two years I go somewhere, though, (ever since 2000) so watch out 2012!

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Steady work and paychecks for both my husband and myself.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
Obviously this year has been very baby-centric for us, so every day that will stick in my memory has something to do with Miss Stella. :-)

April 14 - Our first ever BFP! -- pic is from Skyping with my parents that night to tell them

September 29 - My Virtual Baby Shower - i.e. Waking up on the first day of my third trimester to an outpouring of love and support from a ton of amazing women, most of whom have never met me in person yet they understand me better than most anyone. I am so thankful to have met you ladies...

December 8 - Stella's Birthday!

December 29 - Charlie's 30th birthday, and his first one as a Daddy!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Buckling down and doing what we needed to do in order to survive and pay the bills. Charlie worked out of state on a difficult job far away, and I worked two jobs that required running stairs until I was seven months pregnant. It was all worth it!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Spending too much time in front of my computer screen instead of doing outdoor activities!
Not figuring out what to do for work in this next stage of my life.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing that wasn't pregnancy related.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My Snoogle, hands down. LOL

12. Where did most of your money go?
Fertility treatments. Ugh. I can't wait to see where that money will go instead in 2012!

13. What did you get really excited about?
Getting pregnant.

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO
Someone Like You by Adele
Rolling In the Deep by Adele

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder? SO much happier!
-thinner or fatter? Thinner, bizarrely enough.
-Richer or poorer? Poorer, if we're talking about bank accounts!

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Rafting and hiking

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Stressing.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
With my entire family (both my side and Charlie's side!) and Stella. It was perfect.

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Revenge - I am addicted!

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
It is SAD how little I read in 2011. Everything I did read was fertility related. Time to change that up!

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Adele and Michael Buble

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Jan. 20th (29 yrs old) - Had a bunch of friends over and got drunk at our house. :-)

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having the security of a job and a career to go back to...BUT, I'll be okay, as long as I have Charlie and Stella.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Yoga pants and tank tops. My fashion skills pretty much suck, and they went even more downhill once I was pregnant. LOL

26. What kept you sane?
Blogging! Seriously.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Don't give up! There's never a "right time" to have a kid. Life will work out, just love one another.

Stella Times...Week 3 - Happy Birthday Daddy!

2011-12-29T10:27:00.001-07:00

Dear Miss Stella,

I cannot believe you are three weeks old already! Your Daddy turned 30 today, and when your Auntie Jaime called this morning and asked what you got your Dad for his birthday, he laughed and said "a poopy diaper!" Good job little one. LOL. Somehow turning 30 isn't nearly as scary now that you're in our lives.

This past week marked your first Christmas, and you were SO blessed to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with every single one of your aunts, uncles, grandparents, and your cousin Jonah, even though most of them live 1,000+ miles away in MN. How cool is that?! Everyone thought you were pretty perfect of course. :)

Black shirts on the left are your Mommy's family members, and colored shirts are your Daddy's family!

After Mommy bawled her eyes out staring at you during the Christmas Eve church service!

All of my siblings left town on Monday and Tuesday, and on Wednesday morning Grandpa and NanaMama packed up the car to head back up to Minnesota as well. They will both miss you SO much. They arrived in town when you were just 4 days old and left just yesterday when you were 20 days old, so they've been here for the vast majority of your life! We all cried when they left...

3 generations!

Cuddling with Grandpa

This week you are already staying much more alert. You'll keep your blue eyes open and just stare around you, checking out the world. Sleep has been a bit of a trial - one night you'll do great, only waking up to eat every 3-4 hours, and the next night you'll want to eat every 1-2 hrs and be fussing in-between. You sleep the best when you're cuddled in bed with us, so for Mommy's sanity and Daddy's sleep, you've been spending a lot more time than we originally intended curled right up in bed with us. I gotta say, even when I'm exhausted, I'm smitten with all the little "baby noises" you make while you sleep. You're pretty darn cute. :)

You totally love bath time. Right now we're only bathing you maybe twice a week (the air is SO dry here in Colorado, so normally a little daily spot cleaning of the neck and face and a good bum cleaning is all you need). However, every time we put you in the tub on the kitchen counter, you instantly go calm and wide eyed and just look around. I wish I knew what you were thinking!

Newborn clothes are still fitting you, but you're definitely maxing out the length in the one-piece sleepers. You are long, girl! A few 0-3 month outfits will work on you, though most pretty much swallow you up. I'm sure they'll fit you soon enough though. We're still in NB diapers as well, though I'm guessing we'll be switching to 1s in the next week or two. Hopefully we'll be switching to cloth diapers shortly after that! In the meantime, we're working on getting Daddy to remember to (1) close the lid on the wipes so they don't dry out, and (2) to put the fresh diaper underneath you before removing the 1st one so you quit peeing all over the changing table and on your clothes. :)

Tonight for your Daddy's birthday celebration, we'll be hanging out and Linc & Jord's with a bunch of our friends, most of whom haven't met you yet. I can't wait to see your Daddy showing you off. He is so proud of his little girl.

We both love you so, so much.

Momma

--ps, Just as I was getting ready to hit "publish" on this post, you had the most explosive diaper ever (and yes, we heard it happen)! It ended up all over your daddy, actually soaking through both his flannel and long sleeved shirt. Funniest. Thing. Ever.

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In: 3 Weeks Postpartum

2011-12-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm using Michele's guideline (found here) for writing this weekly post because I really like the accountability it lends to the whole process. It won't be super specific for me yet since I can't yet institute a diet/exercise routine, but once I'm hopefully given the A-OK at my 6wk check-up on Jan19th, I'll definitely be adding that all in to start my 30s with a plan!

1. Reiterate my goal and where I stand in reference to this goal: 20# to go!

Starting Weight: 166#
Last Week's Weight: 164#
Current Weight: 162# -- a 2# loss
Goal Weight: 142# ("normal" is 122#-164#)

Starting BMI: 25.2
Last Week's BMI: 24.9
Current BMI: 24.6
Goal BMI: 21.6 ("normal" is 18.5-24.9)

2. Discuss what I am going to do to achieve my goals:

Progress on last week's activities:
*Drink a glass of water every time I breastfeed Stella. -- Failed miserably. I need to define how many ounces constitutes a glass and pour that glass before I sit down to feed her.
*Not skip meals just because I'm preoccupied with baby stuff. -- I did a little better at this. There were a couple of days that lunch was forgotten, but overall I ate plenty through the holidays.
*Listen to my body, and walk if I can, rest if I can't. -- I stayed pretty mellow this week, but I'm finally not taking iBuprofen to deal with the stitches anymore, so hopefully this week I can start walking more. I checked, and Stella's car seat fits with the adapter that came with my secondhand BOB, so I have no excuse to not get out!

Activities for this coming week:
*She eats 10-12x/day, so I'm going to drink 8oz every time I sit down to nurse her (half of my insulated water mug that Mom got me for Christmas!)
The guide to how much fluid to drink while nursing is to “drink to thirst”. There is no evidence to show that forcing fluids will increase your milk supply. (Another”old wives tale”.) Drinking too much water (over 12 glasses a day) can actually decrease your milk supply.
*Eat mindfully. I'm not counting calories or anything, but I don't need to grab unhealthy food to snack on either!
*Try out the stroller/car seat combo at least once!

3. Try to motivate others to join in on trying to lose weight
*If you're in TTC hell, being at a healthy weight can up your conception chances (especially for PCOSers who tend to struggle with it!).
*If you're post-pregnancy, feeling good physically will help with your mental and emotional health while taking care of a newborn.
*If you're not anywhere near wanting a kid, feeling and looking good will boost your confidence for work, relationships, etc. and make you look hot in your clothes!

Just do it!

4. Post a (reasonably healthy) recipe that I've tried, a cooking tip, a new idea for working out for people to try, a photo update of my weight loss, or anything else I feel like sharing.

Here's a link to an awesome article I found. A reader commented that she was curious how weight loss could affect breastfeeding... seems to not be an issue with my current plan, but I'll let you know!
http://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/articles/nutrition-exercise-and-weight-loss
Losing weight too quickly (more than one to one and one half pounds per week) isn’t good for you, especially during the early weeks of breastfeeding. Extreme dieting won’t have much effect on your milk supply, but it does depletes your energy levels, and you need as much energy as possible to get through the early weeks of mothering and breastfeeding.

I can't remember who all is joining in this little weigh-in accountability scheme, but please leave me a note in the comments if you want me to add you to the list below!

Michele @ Nowhere in NM (TTCer)
Holly @ Holly G. and Co. (TTCer)
Gee @ Gee Baby (TTCer)
Nico @ Phred, Fwed, and Schweffel (pregnant)
Kristy @ Relaxing Doesn't Get You Pregnant (post-partum)
Donor Diva @ Motherhood via Egg Donation (post-partum)
One Day @ Are We There Yet? (post-partum)
Laura @ Legos and Jets (post-partum)

Christmas Day Pics

2011-12-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

Go Cards! (Charlie is from STL, and people know he's a huge fan, so Stella's Cardinals wardrobe is growing quickly!)

Trying for a sleepy baby photo, but instead she was wide awake and chatty. Nothing like her mother. ;-) To see a video, click here.

My awesome family (everyone was here visiting from MN!). <3
For more pics, click here.

My Heart is Breaking

2011-12-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh... one of my closest IF blog friends who is adopting just got the hardest news. The birth mother had the baby on the 24th, and she just notified them this morning that she changed her mind and has decided to parent the baby. My heart is breaking for E (manymanymoons). Please go give her some love.

Merry Christmas to All! (my 500th post!)

2011-12-24T17:48:00.001-07:00

One year ago today, Charlie and I were in Minnesota visiting family and timing our return trip to Colorado to coincide with our first RE appointment in Denver. It was a great trip to visit family and friends, but sadly, the underlying frustrations of ongoing unemployment and infertility worries weighed heavily on our hearts, our happiness, and our marriage.

Flash forward one year and 245 blog posts later, and this is our new Christmas morning reality...our new amazing normal.

Big stretches as she wakes up... :-)

Just Chilin' while Momma packs her bag to spend the day with the fam!

At Christmas Eve service last night, I caught myself bawling while holding a candle and singing Silent Night in the darkened church. We were surrounded by the love and support of all 16 members of our immediate families (including some significant others), most of whom were in town visiting from 1,000+ miles away. My wonderful husband had his arm around me (just after this pic was taken *grin*) and was swaying and singing along with me... and I was looking down at our beautiful little girl in my arms, feeling beyond blessed and grateful to be in this place, in this moment, with these people.

Thank you, God, for sharing your son with us all those years ago, and for giving us our own child to love and to cherish. The struggle to get here was beyond difficult, but we'll do our best to never take a moment of our time with her for granted.

Merry Christmas everyone. :-)

RockStar's First Christmas Ornament

2011-12-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

I hope Jill doesn't mind, but I saw her post the other day about her son Coen's first Christmas ornament, and I loved it so much that I just had to get it for Stella as well! Giving an ornament will be an annual tradition (just like our parents did for us), and I think this ornament is the perfect way to commemorate our little RockStar's first Christmas. :-)

customize line 1: *stella*
customize line 2: 12.8.2011
customize line 3: 8# 2 oz
customize line 4: 21" long
customize line 5: 2:12 am

Also, my Mom already bought Stella an ornament as well. She bought it before she was born - so apparently she was pretty sure Stella was going to be a girl. :-)

Stella Times...Week 2

2011-12-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Stella,

Background blanket made by a nurse at your great-gpa's nursing home!

It's been another crazy week full of firsts for you, and I can hardly believe that today was "supposed' to be the day you were born. I can't even imagine still having you in my belly instead of my arms. I have to say, I'm pretty thankful you decided to join us two weeks early. It's been wonderful to have you already here for the holidays and for your aunts and uncles to all get to meet you while they are here visiting from MN!

Every one of my siblings (your aunts and uncles!) arrived this week - do you remember reading about their reactions to finding out about you back in April? It was even better getting to see them meet you and hold you for the first time. :-)

Cuddling with your Uncle Tom, pre-blowout outfit change. LOL. See below...

Your second doctor appointment went great. I absolutely love the woman we picked to be your peds doc. She's from the Czech Republic, and very knowledgeable (and sweet!). She took plenty of time to look you over from head to toe and gave you a little tummy time while she answered all of my questions. She told me you were a little jaundiced (which we knew), though not enough to be concerned about, and overall, pretty much "perfect." See why I like her? ;-)

At your appointment last week, you were down to 7#14oz, and this week they wanted to see you at least back to your birth weight of 8#2oz. You blew them away with an 8#6oz weigh-in. Way to go honey!!

Height: 21.25" - 95%

Weight: 8#6oz - 66%

Head Circumference: 13.75" - 52%

Your next appointment is at one month old, and I need to get your delayed vaccination schedule figured out by then. It's amazing to me how many important little decisions there are to make in regards to your well being. I never want anything bad to happen to you my child.

You'll be happy to know that you already have Daddy wrapped around your little finger as well. He loves holding you and staring at your beautiful little face just as much as I do!

This week also marked your first foray into the restaurant world. You did great at all three that we visited...though you did decide that you were hungry at all three. :-) Afterwards, you love taking a good nap though, so it worked out okay!

Last but not least, two of your aunts and your uncle all wanted to ski in Tell.uride, so we went up there to meet them for lunch. That was a long day of firsts for you and me both.

Your first time actually being in Tell.uride...

My first time breastfeeding while walking in public because you were NOT going to wait...

Your first time having a blowout poopy diaper (in a restaurant, no less!), that required a full outfit change...

Your first time riding on the gondola...

...and my first time pulling over to feed you in a random parking lot on the drive home... again, because you were NOT going to wait, and I couldn't stand to hear you cry anymore! Other than the random I must eat now moments, you and I are really getting the hang of this whole breastfeeding thing, and it's pretty awesome. I love the connection to you - the way you look for me, and the way you're instantly comforted when I'm close.

I can't tell you how many times I day I catch myself saying "hey beautiful! i love you!" ... even when it's 2am and you're fussing instead of sleeping. I mean it every single time.

I love you my little RockStar!

Momma

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In : 2 Weeks Postpartum

2011-12-21T08:08:00.001-07:00

Okie dokie... so I'm probably not going to get around to posting weekly belly shots for these weight loss posts, but I will make an effort to post milestone pics (like when I hit my pre-preg weight, my 30th birthday, etc.).

As a reminder - I started my pregnancy with Stella weighing 161# and gained around 25#. I am happy and stunned to report that I'm down to 164# this morning, so in two weeks I've effectively lost 22# of the 25# I gained! (that's a 2# loss in the past week)

It's interesting to me that I was sure I'd be one of those people that gained way too much and had tons of issues losing the baby weight (gaining weight has never been hard for me to do :P), but eating sensibly and moving my body really paid off. Sure, when the morning sickness was at its worst from 6w-13w, I ate whatever the hell I could keep down, but overall, I made smart choices, and now that I'm on the other side and wanting to take the weight off, every good choice I made is sure paying off!

My goals last week were to drink tons of water, eat healthy foods in sensible portions, and walk to the post office three times.

Well, I drank a ton of water (though probably still not enough), I ate pretty sensibly (so nice to have Mom in town still cooking for us!), and I did not walk to the post office once. LOL

Honestly, I still need to figure out if Stella's car seat will fit with the adapter on our stroller. I guess I need to kick that up the priority list. :-) I did do quite a bit of walking this week though while running errands - probably too much, honestly - so I'm not too worried about the moving part of the equation yet. I can definitely tell whenever I push my body too much at this point (super sore, even more tired, increased blood loss), and there is a fine line at this point of how much I can even do. My priorities for now need to be giving my body time to heal and to take naps whenever possible.

Goals This Week:

Drink a glass of water every time I breastfeed Stella.

Not skip meals just because I'm preoccupied with baby stuff.

Listen to my body, and walk if I can, rest if I can't.

First Weight Loss Goal:

Lose the last 3# of pregnancy weight by my 6 week check-up / 30th birthday week.
(Jan 19th/20th - 4 weeks away)

I know this may or may not be possible since I'm not allowed to exercise before then, but it's about 4 weeks away, and the past couple of weeks have made me optimistic that I can do this. For sure I don't want to gain weight before then, but it'd be great if I could start my 30s with a new workout plan and clean slate to start working on getting down to my goal weight.

Speaking of my goal weight... way back when I hit my high of 172#, my goal was to lose 30# and get down to 142#, and I think I'll keep that as my goal. That means I have 22# to lose as of this morning

Remember - I'm 5'8" tall. I know you really should take into account body frame, bone mass, etc, but just by using the standard BMI calculator, at 164#, my BMI is 24.9. ("Normal" weight for my height is 122-164#). That means this should be the high end of what I ever weigh, which makes sense to me, because this is about the high that I ever feel comfortable in my clothes at.

At 142#, my BMI would be 21.6 (18.5-24.9 is normal), so I think that is the perfect mid-range goal. I want to lose the weight by June 1st, just in time for summer...and the rest of my life. :-) That gives me 23 weeks to lose 22#, which would reflect a nice, solid, steady lifestyle change that I've stuck with.

As one final note, quite a few of you emailed me or wrote comments on last week's post asking if I'd mind if you joined in on the Weekly Wednesday Weigh-Ins. Go for it! The more the merrier. :-) Writing it all out here helps to keep me accountable, and if I know there are others of you out there doing the same thing, all the better. We can do this! Feel free to grab the icon and add it to your posts as well.

The Age of the Udders

2011-12-19T08:43:00.002-07:00

So this will be a two part post, all about my breasts. Does that make you excited? I've thought more about those two huge rocks in the past 11 days than I have in years. How weird is that?

First, a quick question. I'm buying the Medela Pump in Style Advanced Breastpump with Metro Bag today. It' normally $370 (ouch!), and after months of watching for it on Amazon, I've seen it randomly drop as low as $285. Then the other day I found it in a local store that is discontinuing their line of baby products, and they're selling it for $270. Score! Supporting local, AND saving me $100 off of MSRP. Not too shabby. :-)

My question is this - how early did you start pumping? I have no idea if I'm going back to work in January or June at this point (though more likely sooner rather than later), but I definitely want to start getting a supply building so that I can (1) have a little more freedom from feedings if necessary, and (2) have Daddy be more involved. I don't want to screw up my supply, but I don't want to wait too long either. Also, once you have expressed milk, how early did you introduce a bottle/nipple to start dispensing pumped milk? So far we haven't used a pacifier or anything... trying to avoid nipple confusion, but I definitely hope to avoid battles about the bottle as well. Advice is welcome!

Now, quite a few of you have asked me how breastfeeding has gone for us. This is a story full of pushy doctors, smack downs, curling toes, and eventual relief. How's that for a roller coaster?

(please note, if you are a formula bottle feeder, this next section isn't meant to demean your choice - it's just not my choice for us as long as we can make breastfeeding work - i truly do believe that breast is second to none thanks to all of the antibodies and such, plus it's free!)

The story begins 11 days ago in the early hours of the morning. Miss Stella was born at 2:12am, and within minutes of her birth, my midwife and nurse were helping me to get her to latch on. She had a great latch and suck reflex (which also caused my uterus to contract - which is a GOOD thing, but HOLYCRAP that didn't feel great). She basically hung out on and off my breast for the next two hours while I stared at her in disbelief, because ohmyGodIhaveadaughter.

I was so happy she was latching on, because I assumed that meant we'd have no problems with breastfeeding. Ha. Unfortunately, that wasn't quite the case - the next time she ate was 15 hours later, after I had gotten into it with the on-call peds doc.

Throughout the first 12 hours of her life, I'd try to get her to latch on and eat every couple of hours, but she was just not interested. She would latch, maybe suck once or twice, and then just go back to sleep. I really wasn't concerned - I figured she had been through a lot, was a bigger baby (compared to all the six pounders in the nursery), and she'd eat when she was hungry.

After awhile of her not eating, the nurses started pricking her poor little heel and doing blood draws to check her glucose levels every 3-4 hours (which were staying pretty steady), and the lactation consultant came in a few times, had me pumping to work on stimulating my colostrum & milk to come in, and was manipulating Stella to wake her up and try to get her to eat. Every time we'd do that to Stella (make her do baby sit-ups, mostly), she would puke up dried blood and gunk, so the lactation consultant figured she had spent so much time in the end of the birth canal that she had ingested some gunk that was now sitting in her belly. This made sense as to why she wasn't eating - I sure wouldn't want to eat if I had an upset tummy!

Basically, the nursing staff was being super supportive, her glucose levels were okay, and I wasn't worried.

Enter the peds doc on Thursday afternoon (Stella has been out in the world for a whopping 12 hours at this point). He is NOT the doc I have chosen as her peds doc, just the guy on call that day. He proceeds to try to scare me into pumping her full of formula in a bottle because "she needs food right away." He tells me her glucose levels are dropping (which I challenged him on - told him the lactation consultant had just told me they were holding steady, so which one of them was lying? He responded, "well, they're GOING to drop, and that is super dangerous."). Um, fuck you buddy, "have dropped" and "are going to drop" are two entirely different things, and are you a fucking psychic anyway? How do you know what they're GOING to do?

Ugh.

Then he said, "also, you had her when?" ... This morning at 2am.... "you know your milk isn't going to come in until Saturday or Sunday, right? What were you going to do, just wait until then to feed her?"

WTF?!!?! Isn't that what EVERY new mother does? Nobody's milk is there immediately - why are you making me feel like a bad mother who is trying to deprive her child?

As strong as my convictions were about not formula feeding unless totally necessary, as informed as I was about her steady glucose levels, and as comfortable as I felt about the whole situation in general, when this peds doc was in my face, it was HARD to stand my ground when he was trying to make me feel like I was starving my baby.

Still, I basically told him no, I wasn't feeding her formula yet, and if I did, it sure as hell wasn't going to be through a bottle - I'd rather try those little tubes that you can run alongside your nipple so they are at least getting the formula as they suck on your breast. He proceeded to tell me he didn't believe in nipple confusion (good for you buddy, but you know what, I DO), but if I was really concerned, they could feed her it from a spoon. Um, what? No, get me the damn tubing.

The nurse ended up bringing in some organic formula and the tubing I had insisted on and a teeny-tiny syringe. I promptly set it far away and ignored it.

Then they took her away for another glucose level check, and apparently they just got busy, but they weren't bringing her back into the room fast enough for my comfort and I started worrying that they were giving her formula in the nursery behind my back. I ended up sending Charlie to "go get our baby," and to his credit, even though he was worried that we were starving our child and needed to give her formula (thanks stupid peds doc for using fear tactics that got to my husband), he immediately marched right down the hall to the nursery, demanded they stop whatever they were doing to our baby, and give her back now.

It warms my heart to think of him being all Daddyish and protective :-)

That night she ate a little bit a few times throughout the night (go Stella!), though I made the mistake of letting her latch onto just my nipple a couple times instead of the entire areola b/c I was just so thankful she was trying. Note to self - DO NOT ALLOW THAT. Sucking on just the nipple is what causes pain for Mommy... a proper latch ensures no pain. This is important. At any rate, she was often coughing up gunk still. Then, from 7am on didn't eat again on Friday. This brings us to Friday afternoon - I want to get discharged and just be HOME, but they are worried that at this point, Stella is on the edge of the scary cycle of being too tired TO eat because she hasn't eaten so she's tired. I actually did start to agree with them on that - I could stick my finger in her mouth and touch the roof of her milk, and even that wasn't activating her suck reflex anymore. A nurse I really trusted (my neighbor) told me that in her opinion, Stella was on the edge, and that she really needed a little bit of energy in order to start successfully breastfeeding again. We had a good conversation about it all, and at the end of it, I agreed to feed her a teeny bit of formula, just to get her that energy back in her reserves. MaryAnne put 1cc of formula in the tiny syringe while I'd push on the roof of her mouth with my pinkie finger to get her sucking and swallowing and she's give her a tiny bit of formula at a time through the corner of her mouth. We ended up giving her 3ccs of formula, enough to get them to agree to discharge her. (they had also tested her bili levels, and she was still in the okay range)

Honestly, we got home just before 5pm, I did some skin-to-skin time with her, changed her diaper, and she promptly ate for 20 minutes (and has been an eating champ ever since!). I really think that she just needed time to let her body process out the gunk that was in her belly (she was having poopy diapers no prob ever since birth) and once we were home and comfortable, she was ready to eat!

The moral of the story, stick to your guns, trust your instincts, and don't let docs bully you into something you're not comfortable with. Obviously Stella's health was my #1 priority - that just didn't include trying to force formula into her at 12 hours old.

Finally, I debated posting this on here, but I figured you all know about my EWCM and plenty of other TMI moments and you'd all appreciate ending on a funny note. Here's a little picture message I sent my Mom & sisters about 2am Sunday morning...

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Holy hell, my milk is in...

Um, yeah, she's getting plenty of milk in her belly now. ;)

Stella Times...Week 1

2011-12-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

To My Darling Miss Stella,

I cannot believe you are already one week old. It's been a whirlwind of a week in your little life! You were born early in the morning last Thursday, and by Friday afternoon we were already at home as a family of three for the very first time!

You had your first chiropractic adjustment at four days old, and you totally loved it. Dr. Jess was great with you, and when she got you all in alignment, you arched your back, smiled, and relaxed. It was pretty darn cute. :)

Then again, everything you do is pretty darn cute. Your Grandma and Grandpa V drove all the way from Minnesota to see you, and since they arrived on Monday night, we have spent pretty much all day, every day just staring at you and your beautiful blue eyes. You are so perfect.

At your first check-up with the peds doc, everything looked great. Your height was 20.75" (94.25%), though she said you obviously didn't shrink from the 21" you were born at, so you were probably just fighting being stretched out. :-) You weighed in at 7# 14oz (66.83%), which means you were down only 4oz since birth. Not bad!! We're working every day on getting you filled up with breast milk so that you're back up to your fighting weight as soon as possible. We had some issues getting you to eat in the hospital, but ever since we got home, you've been a champion eater, though sometimes I need to work hard to keep you awake. Your head circumference was 13.25" (31.38%)... she said that was totally normal, and as your brain grows, your head will keep expanding. That is pretty darn cool.

Starting Monday you've been a little yellow, but we're getting you as much sunbathing time in as we can. Between that and your good eating habits (about every 3 hours), we're optimistic that the jaundice will be all cleared up by your next appointment this coming Monday!

Yesterday your umbilical cord stump fell off at only six days old, and as excited as I was, I was a little sad that your final physical connection to me and your first home was gone. It did a good job nourishing you for nine months though, and I'm eternally grateful for that.

Today we gave you your first bath at home, and I think you liked it! For the first few seconds you fussed, but once you got used to the water, you just calmly laid there and let me wash you up. Again, I cannot stand the cuteness. :-)

More than anything, I want to tell you how much I love you. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second... it's amazing to me how the first thing I think of when I wake up is YOU, and the last thing I think about before I go to sleep is YOU. If you're making noises in the middle of the night, I love nothing more than to pull you from the cosleeper and cuddle up close with you. The other night your Daddy took you to bed before I went up, and when I got up there you were fast asleep on his chest (with him fast asleep and snoring beneath you!). Our love for you knows no bounds.

I cannot wait to see how much you grow and change little one. I love you.

Mama

Stop with the Paparazzi, Mom

2011-12-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

I jest in the title, but in all seriousness, my little girl has hundreds of pictures of her first week of life thanks to me and and my Mom. I find myself in absolute awe of her - every silly little thing she does, every face she makes, every wrinkle on her finger... I "need" a picture of it, stat!

Thanks to Sarah @ Baby Talk for the onesie!

That being said, while in the midst of TTC/IF hell, it killed me to see cute pictures of babies. I would sadistically, neurotically, and greedily look for them on Facebook, even though every picture of another cute little face was a punch to the gut. I swore I wouldn't do that myself if I were ever blessed with a child, and here I am, one week in, with 25+ pictures already in an album on FB.

And I just can't stop uploading.

Thanks to Beeker's Mom @ The Adventures of Beeker for the AWESOME blanket!

I'm worried about that in this space as well...much more worried, actually. Before I was pregnant, I never begrudged PAIFers who posted ultrasound pictures, belly pictures, nursery pictures and the like. More often than I'd like to admit, I had to unfollow people for awhile (or just skim those posts)... just because it was simply too hard on my heart, but I never thought they shouldn't "be allowed" to post those pics and express their thankfulness and joy. I always knew that I, myself, would want the opportunity to post those same photos someday, so I did my absolute best to remind myself that their being pregnant wasn't the reason I wasn't.

In some ways I feel the same about baby pictures. This is my little space on the blogosphere where I can document Stella's life, and I don't want to feel guilty about that. However, I also know that the vast majority of my followers are fellow IFers, and there is a sense of responsibility that goes along with knowing that. I have 190+ followers, and according to my stat counter, 400+ individual people actually click through to my blog every day, and I know that so many of you are still in the midst of the IF trenches.

Even being here, on my couch, with my baby in my arms... I still feel 100% more connected to (and a part of) the IF community than to any sort of "Mommy Blogger" mentality. I'm petrified of losing my connection to any of the amazing women I've met through this space over the past two years, and because of that, I'm feeling a need to censor my posts, my pictures, etc.

How do you find that balance?

Over the next few months, you might see changes in the content around here, you might not. I'm honestly not sure how to proceed. The milestones my daughter reaches, the weight loss struggles I face, the marital highs and lows, the employment and career frustrations in my life... all of these things are important to me and will probably be things I write about, but in what proportions or percentages, I'm not sure.

All I can say is thank you in advance for supporting me through the hardest couple years of my life thus far, and that I hope I can continue to be there for you, wherever you are at on the journey.

Thanks for reading...

Weekly Wednesday Weigh-In : 1 Week Postpartum

2011-12-14T17:50:00.000-07:00

So back in the day when I first started this blog (Nov2009), it was going to be a place for me to vent about things in life and to keep myself accountable for working out. I had let my weight creep up and up and up, and I was tired of feeling fat and sad. My first post was all about getting back on the weight-loss band wagon and trying to take better care of myself. The end of that entry said this:

I'm 5' 8" and 170#. HFS. That is more than I have ever weighed in my life, and it scares the living crap out of me! I checked my BMI the other day, and I'm solidly in the dreaded fat as hell overweight category.

How did I let this happen??????????????

I always bragged that I could "maintain" at about 155# with not much effort..well, obviously I've let THAT notion go! At 145# I feel DAMN good, and if I was ever disciplined enough, I could probably be SMOKING at 135#... so how come I can be so incredibly motivated about so many things in life, but I cannot will not control this?

I am so tired of this battle, and I'm only 27.

Scary thing is that I want to be pregnant. Crave being pregnant. My biological clock is screaming at me, and though we've been trying for months, it hasn't happened, and a scary little voice in the back of my head is saying, "Of course you're not pregnant. You still love going to the bars and drinking. You're overweight. Is that any way to be acting if you want to have a baby? Get over yourself! GROW UP before you try and raise a child of your own!"

Damn little voice.

It's so crazy to look back over the past couple of years at my weight-loss journey and see how far I've come. For those of you that are newer followers, I've struggled with bulimia off and on for the past decade, and it has taken everything in me to work through that and get into a better head space about myself. The problem is that when I get healthy, then I sometimes have issues with going off the deep end the other way and foregoing portion control completely.

The result of that was that I started this blog at my highest weight ever in Nov 2009 - 172# and a size 12/14. By that following summer (June2010), I was down 20# to 152# and a size 8/10 and feeling pretty great. The goal was to get to 142#, but I kind of lost it over that next year. The whole TTC/IF journey was forefront in my mind, and I was definitely dealing with the stress and unhappines of it all by eating and drinking, even though I knew that the biggest thing I could do to help with my PCOS was to lose weight and get healthy.

By the time January 2011 rolled around, I had put 15# back on (up to 167#) and was not happy with myself. Luckily, that's the month we finally went to the RE for the first time, and that was the kick in the butt I needed to start getting myself in shape again. I was working out really consistently, eating well, and the weight was very slowly coming off in a healthy way (huge for me!).

April 14, 2011 was the blessed day that we finally got our elusive BFP, and that morning I weighed in at 161#. Not exactly my happy weight, but at least it wasn't 172#!

I worked very hard during this pregnancy to stay healthy by eating right and moving my body. I really think it paid off, because I felt strong and healthy during the entire pregnancy and labor, which was SO great.

I didn't weigh myself that final week, but I'm guessing I was at 186-187# by the time I delivered, so up about 25-26#. My goal going into the pregnancy was to not ever weigh more than my husband (195#), so I safely met that goal. :-)

I'm going to start doing these weight loss check-ins on Wednesdays, but as I mentioned the other day, I will obviously not be starting a diet & exercise program until I'm cleared by my doctor. However, I do have a lot of friends who have said that they actually gained weight the first few months postpartum because they did nothing but sit around and stare at their beautiful babies while still eating whatever they wanted. I don't want that to happen to me, so here's to keeping myself accountable!

37 weeks pregnant / 18 hrs post delivery (would have been 38w) / 1 week postpartum

This morning I weighed in at 166#. That means I've lost 20 of the 25 pounds I gained during pregnancy (WOW), though my belly still looks about like it did at 20 weeks pregnant.

My 3 goals for the week are simple:

Drink water - lots and lots of water. That will help to keep flushing my system out and to keep myself well-hydrated for breastfeeding.

Eat healthy foods in sensible portions.

WALK to the post office three times instead of driving (as long as I don't have any more blood clots).

I think that's pretty doable, right? :-)

Stella's Birth Story - Part 3

2011-12-13T21:30:00.000-07:00

Part 1
Part 2

After her birth, poor Stella had a pretty oblong skull and a hematoma on the top of her head from where she'd been banging against my pelvis for so long, so we opted to do the Vitamin K shot to help with blood coagulation (which they didn't do immediately, but waited until I needed to give her up for a second so they could switch out the sheets on my bed). Other than that, she was totally healthy and beautiful! They waited to clamp the cord, skipped the antibiotic eye ointment, and generally followed my birth plan to a T. Thank you MMH hospital staff! I can't tell you what a wonderful feeling it was to feel so supported by everyone around me and to know they were following my birthing wishes.

I unfortunately tore on those final two pushes (2nd degree), and my midwife said that was because Stella still came out slightly crooked and those extra few millimeters of head circumference make a big difference. She turned just enough to make it possible to get her out, but not quite enough to get her out without tearing.

Let me tell ya, she was 100% worth it!

We got to spend every minute of those first two hours with Stella, which was beyond wonderful. She was alert and looking around and nursing - all good things! I'm incredibly glad that my midwife suggested asking for two hours instead of just one hour with her before any newborn procedures were done - we enjoyed every minute of those precious "firsts" with her!

Right after Stella latched on and started sucking for the first time, I could feel my uterus contracting. WOW. Shawna massaged my abdomen (either then or just after - I can't remember?), and told me it was time to deliver the placenta. They had given me a shot of pitocin post delivery (after asking my permission, which was perfect!) because I was bleeding pretty heavily, and between that and the natural oxytocin from the breastfeeding, I just pushed a couple of times and out came the placenta. I never did see it - it honestly never occurred to me to ask, but I assume all was well since nothing was ever mentioned about it again.

At about the two hour mark, Charlie's parents showed up (yes, at 4am!), and my midwife returned from delivering another woman's baby in order to sew me up. The timing actually worked out great - Charlie got 45 minutes with just his parents and Stella while I got to relax and laugh with the nurse and my midwife while she fixed me up.

Shawna warned me that the numbing needle was going to hurt quite a bit and that it would be followed by a ton of burning. I used my hypnobabies finger drop cue to drop back into self-hypnosis to use my anesthesia, and honestly, the needles weren't bad at all. Shawna was pretty impressed that I was just calmly breathing through the whole administration of the numbing agent. I was also eating a snack size bag of Cheetos that Charlie had grabbed me from the vending machine, and it was d.e.l.i.c.i.o.u.s., but that's neither here nor there. :)

Once it was in, Shawna started stitching and the three of us started chatting.
(FYI, the nurse was about 30, my midwife in her 50s.)
Our conversation went something like this...
-------------------------------------------
Nurse Alisa (who was finally filling out the paperwork that was obviously skipped when I got there): "Do you have any piercings or tattoos?

Me: Nope. Well, I used to have nipple piercings - that shouldn't affect my ability to breastfeed now though, right?

Midwife Shawna (not phased at all): Nah, you should be fine. Speaking of piercings, Alisa, have I told you my piercing story yet?!

Alisa & me: What??

Shawna: Oh yeah, it was a scene. Thanksgiving with my family - Dad was DD, and it was one of those days were the mimosas started at breakfast and just never stopped. By the afternoon, my Mom, my daughter and I decided to visit a tattoo parlor and get piercings. I got my nose pierced!

Alisa & me: *staring quizzically at her non-pierced nose*

Shawna: Well, it got infected and was a total drunken mistake - it was out by two days later! Note to self, never go to tattoo parlors with my Mom and daughter while drinking.

Alisa & me: *busting up laughing*
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Have I mentioned how much I love my midwife?!! :-)

Overall, I really am so happy about how the entire birth experience went. It wasn't perfect. She got a little stuck, the back pain was pretty awful, and it was hard work getting her out. BUT, thanks to hypnobabies and all of my preparation, I never felt crazy out of control. I never felt fear. I never felt like every bit of pressure and back pain wasn't all leading up to the most amazing moment of our lives...the moment when our daughter Stella arrived.

Every.single.one of our birth preference wishes were respected and followed.

The hypnobabies birthing method training we did was incredibly helpful and effective.

My support staff (husband, midwife, and nurse) were beyond supportive and amazing.

And above all, our beautiful daughter is healthy and here.

I am so happy and so in love.

Life is good. :-)

Blogging with Stella :-)

2011-12-13T07:17:00.002-07:00

Stella's Birth Story - Part 2

2011-12-12T10:05:00.002-07:00

For Part 1, click here! Part one lasted about 2 1/2 - 3 hours, and in that time, I went through the entire first phase of labor...at home!

Part 2 is all about the pushing (not to mention my amazing support system).
--------------------------------------------------
12:15am - When we arrived at the hospital and the midwife told me I was at a 10, complete, and ready to push, I just remember thinking I was SO GRATEFUL to not be told I was at a 3, because this shit was intense.

The rushed me up to the family center, got me into the room, and I spent one pressure wave on the toilet because I had to pee (not to mention it just felt better to be sitting on the toilet!). I think I was trying to poop too, just in case it was really poop and not baby I was feeling. LOL

By the time my next pressure wave hit, I was on the bed on my hands and knees and just went with it and pushed, which made my water break. Holy SHIT it was a lot of water, and it felt SO GOOD to push. I'm guessing this is when Stella finally dropped.

As good at it felt to push, my back was still killing me. I had my "Pushing Baby Out" track playing on the iPad (totally missed listening to "Easy First Stage Labor"), and Charlie was next to me, supporting me through every PW. I kept telling Shawna that my back hurt BADLY, so she decided to check me quick, because she was thinking the baby was probably sunny side up. Turns out Miss Stella was completely sideways in there. SIDEWAYS. As in, it's physically impossible to deliver kiddos sideways, and that generally means Mommas of sideways babies are headed for a c-section. Thankfully, Shawna didn't tell me any of this until afterwards - instead she just calmly told me that we were going to have to do a lot of switching positions to get this baby out, and I needed to listen to her.

Honestly, I am so blessed that Shawna was my midwife that night. My nurse Alisa (who was also AWESOME) told me later that with an OB, I'd have been in a c-section at that point. Instead, I had these two wonderful, supportive women that were helping me turn, checking baby's heart rate, keeping things calm, reassuring Charlie, etc. It was awesome.

Every second pressure wave they would have me turn, so I'd push for two waves on my back, two on my left side, two on my hands and knees, two on my right side, repeat. Charlie would help hold my top leg up and back when I was on my sides, and I'd pull back on my legs while I was on my back. Being on all fours generally felt the best for my back, but I wasn't making as much progress when I couldn't see what was going on. Actually switching positions was the most painful part (because of my back pain), so often Charlie was physically helping to push me into the next position. That was actually great, because I was focusing on the hypnobabies track playing in the background and on taking deep, slow breaths between pressure waves. They also had a huge floor mirror rolled over to the foot of the bed for the whole pushing phase. I know that freaks some people out, but I found it SO helpful to be able to see what was working and effective. You really do just have to push like you're taking a shit. :-)

For most of the two hours of pushing, Stella's heartbeat was staying nice and steady (I think in the 130s? I can't remember for sure.). They had an external monitor that Alisa would stick on my belly whenever I switched positions to check the baby's heart rate before, during, and after the contraction to make sure the new position wasn't affecting her. It was kind of annoying at the time, but she was good about being as unobtrusive as possible, and since that was the only monitoring they did on me the entire time, I couldn't really complain. Thanks to me getting there at a 10, they never even put a hep-lock in or anything!

The final 45 minutes we could SEE the top of her head, but since she was still pretty sideways, it was slow going, though they said that was good because it was hopefully giving me time to stretch. Every time I'd push around the world though, I could tell that she was turning a little and getting closer to coming out. The final 20 minutes or so they had the oxygen going, so between pressure waves Charlie would place that on my face and I'd have to concentrate on taking in all the oxygen I could for me and for the baby. Then when I tossed it off, that signaled to them that the next pressure wave was starting. It was actually pretty helpful to have the enforced rest time where Shawna kept telling me to RELAX and breathe. Since "relax" is a big cue in hypnobabies training and I was still listening to tracks in the background, it was a great reminder to bring it all back to center and concentrate on allowing my body to open and get the baby out. The final few pushes I was on my back the whole time, but the bed was tilted up so that I was working with gravity instead of against it. When Stella started having heart hate decelerations, Shawna told me it was time to do some serious pushing and get the baby out.

Okay. No pressure there, like I wasn't seriously pushing before?! What?

Each time a pressure wave would start, she'd have me take a deep breath in, RELEASE it, and then take another deep breath in so that I'd start pushing at the height of the wave and be utilizing the strength of the PW with my push. I'd tuck my chin and usually push to 7 (the number I felt comfortable with), take a quick breath, push, quick breath, push. I'd push 3-4 times with each contraction. Every once in awhile she'd also have me do a little push between pressure waves to help with the stretching/burning and to keep her down there.

I cannot describe how crazy it was to see her starting to come out.

At that point the midwife asked Charlie if he wanted to catch her (he answered something along the lines of "um, NO" and stayed up by my head, though he did watch the whole thing in the mirror), so then Shawna told me to get ready to grab my baby. She calmly said that she needed to come out now, so the next push I was going to push with EVERYTHING I HAD and get her head out, then just grab her and pull her up.

I non-coherently mumbled something like "but I don't know how" and she just laughed and said you just PUSH and then pull her up!

2:12am I got her head out the next push, grabbed her head, pushed her body out, and pulled her up onto my chest, all in one quick moment. A moment I will never forget. She was screaming, Charlie and I were in shock, and I just remember thinking how WET and absolutely perfect she was.

Honestly, neither of us cried (and oddly still haven't). I'm such a crier - for some reason I assumed I'd be bawling, but it was just such a happy, surreal, "calm after the storm" type feeling that washed over us. We were just... HAPPY.

At that point, Shawna turned to Charlie and "so what do we have Daddy?" - and after a split second (and a second glance at the still attached umbilical cord), he exclaimed, "it's a... GIRL!" with the biggest smile on his face.

OH MY GOSH, I was so happy she was a girl. My little Stella. :-)

The midwife told us later that if she had been straight on, that would have created extra pressure on my bag of waters, and we most likely would have had a broken bag of waters and a baby born in the car! LOL

As it was, it was just under two hours of pushing at a 10. Hard work for sure, but totally doable thanks to my hypnobabies training, my awesomely supportive husband, and the amazing midwife and nurse I had at my side for the entire time.

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Not to draw this out, but there is so much I want to say, so this is going to be a 3-part installment. Stage 3 of labor, coming up soon! In the meantime, I'm off to cuddle with my daughter. :-)

Stella's Birth Story - Part 1

2011-12-11T08:59:00.001-07:00

Wow. It is so surreal to me to realize everything that has transpired in the past few days. On Wednesday morning when I wrote asking for help choosing potential boy names, we had ZERO indication that I was anywhere close to having this child. In fact, I also wrote a post on my family blog about the preparations we were doing to try to start getting the odds and ends ready, and less than 12 hours after that we already had Stella in our arms! I don't want to forget a minute of that night, so here goes nothing.

The short version is this: my birthing time started and finished in under five hours on Wednesday night / early Thursday morning and now our beautiful Stella is here - perfect and healthy. Thanks to our wonderful, amazing midwife, we were able to avoid a very possible c-section and follow our birth plan almost exactly, and I feel so blessed about the experience we had. Here's a link to the quick post I did on my family blog if you just want a few pics instead of an essay to read. :-)

Now for the long TMI version! FYI, contractions are called pressure waves in Hypnobabies lingo, and I'll often call them PW in the story below. Labor is called your birthing time, and there are a few other similar changes. Hypnobabies is all about approaching your birthing time with a joyful attitude and using positive, empowering words to describe childbirth instead of using terms that have possible negative and/or scary connotations in your mind. By the way, it works. :-)
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Tuesday night (37w5d) Charlie and I had "relations" in the hope that it would start things moving in the right direction. Maybe it did, I don't know! I had a tiny bit of spotting throughout the day on Wednesday, but I figured it probably was from an irritated cervix.

Wednesday morning I went to my chiropractor for an hour long appointment to try and get some relief from both the carpal tunnel and low back pain I'd been having. She got my pelvis and hips all aligned, and then she did a lot of massage and stretching work on my low back because it was SO tight. She told me that my low back pain was actually muscular in origin and not because of any vertebrae being out of place, and she used kinesio tape on both my low back and forearms to try to alleviate some of the carpal tunnel swelling and back pain. (*side note* i vaguely remember TEARING that tape off my back and arms between contractions that night - I wanted everything touching me OFF OF ME and spent the majority of the time naked *LOL*)

Wednesday afternoon I still had no indications that my birthing time was anywhere on the horizon. I was still carrying really high and feeling normal, and I just hung out around the house most of the day and made lists of baby-related things I wanted/needed to get accomplished on Thursday after my 38w midwife appointment in order to be ready for this kiddo (like packing the hospital bag, buying a few last items from the baby registry at Target, making some casseroles to freeze, etc). HAHAHA. I guess I procrastinated too long in this case.

09:00/09:30pm - Charlie fell asleep fairly early, but I wasn't tired so I decided to watch a little more TV. One of my favorite new shows (Revenge) was on the DVR, and normally I can't take my eyes off the show. On Wednesday night, though, I started having what I thought were Braxton Hicks contractions that were really aggravating the back pain I'd been having all week, and by just a few minutes into the show, I had to turn it off in order to listen to a hypnobabies track on my iPod in order to use my self-anesthesia and "off switch" to help with my back.

09:45 - This is the start of the first PW I tracked on my phone app, and I really only tried tracking because my back was hurting so much and I was trying to distract myself from that.

10:00 - I decided to get into the tub downstairs in the guest bathroom in order to help with the back pain. I was listening to my hypnobabies tracks on my iPod and using my release, open, and peace cues to relax through the pressure waves, which I was still thinking were Braxton Hicks. We were only at 38 weeks after all! After 20 minutes, I glanced at my "contraction log" on my phone and was surprised when it told me I was averaging 1 minute pressure waves that were about 3 minutes apart. They really weren't hurting, just giving me feelings of intense pressure (I honestly think this was thanks to my hypnobabies self-anesthesia training), and I talked myself into thinking that I must be tracking wrong, because the PW had been happening for less than an hour and that seemed really close together, so how could that be right? LOL. Denial. What a funny thing.

10:25 - I suddenly have the urge to vomit ASAP. I jumped out of the bath and puked between pressure waves. That was the moment I thought holy crap, is this really happening?!

10:30 - I got back into the shower to wash my hair, because I remember reading somewhere that it could help relax me and it might be the last time I showered for awhile if this was really it. In retrospect, I'm glad I took the few minutes to do this. The whole time I was in my middle-switch position for hypnobabies and just deep breathing through the pressure waves. My back was still hurting me though, and it was definitely causing me issues with my concentration. In retrospect, I wish I'd have tried harder to direct the anesthesia to my back instead of just my stomach. I think it would have helped me to stay more in control of the back pain over the next couple of hours.

10:45 - I headed back upstairs and rode out the next couple of pressure waves while leaning over my birthing ball in our bedroom. I was low moaning through the PWs because it felt better to make noise, and eventually it woke Charlie up. He groggily asked if I was peeing (um, no?), and then he woke up a little more and realized I was on the floor on the ball. He asked if I was in labor, and I told him I had no idea, I'd never done this before, but maybe? :-)

11:00 - My back was still killing me and the pressure waves were still coming pretty close together, so I decided to call my midwife office to see what I should do. Shawna (my favorite midwife!) called me back within a minute or two, and we talked for probably 30-40 minutes on the phone. I was pretty calm, though by this point I definitely couldn't talk during the pressure waves (or maybe just didn't want to because I was switching between my mid and off switches and repeating the "relax, open, peace" cues to myself). Things were pretty intense, and Charlie was running around gathering the things on my hospital bag list. He is not a night person and was quite nervous about the whole birthing time situation to begin with, so he was definitely pretty stressed at this point. I helped him back the baby stuff between PWs and told him to just do the best he could with the rest of the list and to quit asking me questions during my pressure waves. Poor guy. :)

At this point I was spending every pressure wave either on the toilet or on the floor on my hands and knees (doggie style position with my head on the floor on my open hands). The PWs were still feeling okay, especially when I was sitting on the toilet, but my back was ripping in two, even between waves, so I had Charlie pushing on my back, doing belly lifts, etc., which really helped. Being on all fours was really the best position for my back, I suppose because it was getting Miss Stella off my spine and tail bone.

11:25 - Second puke...in hindsight, this was probably transition. I didn't want Charlie to touch me anymore, and I ended up sitting on the toilet, peeing & having runny stools, while I puked into the trash can. When I wiped, there was more blood too. I'm not sure if that was when I lost my mucous plug (or if I ever did?), but I definitely thought WHOA after that little progression of events. I was still on the line with my midwife and told her what had just happened. She could tell I was getting more nervous, so she told me to head into town since we had a 30 minute drive. She told me later she thought I was probably at a 3 based on how I was talking and breathing and she didn't want me discouraged when I got to the hospital and was told that, so she figured we'd hang out at her practice for awhile. I've read this is a common "problem" with hypnobabies births - nobody realizes how far along you've progressed (or believes you if you're telling them) because you're not so anxiously vocal or in pain.

11:45 - I finally got down to the car between PWs and we headed to town to meet the midwife at her office, which is across the street from the hospital. Charlie was SO great all night about reminding me to listen to my hypnobabies tracks and to take long, slow breaths.

12:07 - I was feeling like I had to poop during my pressure waves, and it finally occurs to me that I might be farther along than any of us were thinking. My back is still killing me, and I didn't think I could walk into Shawna's office and then back out and over to the hospital, so I told Char to call her and just have her meet us at the ER entrance to the hospital instead. Shawna told me later that at that point, she told Charlie that he needed to drive faster. If you know Charlie, you know how hilarious that is - he is the SLOWEST driver ever. He sped up to 67 in a 60 and made sure to slow down whenever we met a car in case it was a cop. I wanted to lose my mind on him, but I made every effort to concentrate on the calming hypnobabies track instead. :-)

We missed the turn to the hospital. Oops. Poor Charlie was apologizing and I'm gasping that it's okay - just take a left HERE and again HERE.

12:15 - We arrive at hospital. This whole thing has only been going on for maybe 3 hours max at this point, but the next pressure wave had me drop to my hands and knees in the ER entryway airlock to breathe through it. It's at this point that the hospital staff started getting worried I'd have the baby right there (they actually brought Shawna gloves and lube in case she wanted to just check me in the entryway! LOL). Instead she got me a wheel chair and they rushed me to the first possible exam room. Shawna checked me and immediately says, "Wow, you're a 10, I can see your bulging bag of waters, and you're ready to push Josey! Good job!"

I'm at a 10? Complete? Ready to push? What?! Wow. Okay. Here we go.

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Time for Stella's first check up so I have to run, but I promise I'll finish this story soon!!

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My 38 week belly pics...with a twist :)

2011-12-10T07:58:00.001-07:00

Before I forget to post these, you'll be happy to know that my crazy blog mind thought about my weekly pregnancy photo series on Thursday while Stella was just a few hours old. Sadly, I accidentally cropped out my head when I was editing the left hand photo while I was holding Stella. Oops. You get the idea though. ;)

Since this blog actually started as a weight-loss blog, I thought it'd be interesting to see the backwards progression of the belly as well. These photo were taken approximately 18 hours post-delivery. I probably gained 25# by the time she decided to join us (up to 186-187#), and I weighed about 173# at 48 hours post delivery (so down about half). I'm curious both to see how long it will take me to get to my BFP weight (161#) and to my goal weight (147#).

To clarify, I am NOT starting a workout plan or diet or anything at this point. Thanks to my stitches, I will definitely just be taking it easy and focusing on good nutrition and lots of hydration at this point so that I can provide the best possible food for my little RockStar. She is my #1 priority right now! I'll let you know when the workouts with my awesome BOB stroller and cute as hell baby begin. :-)

Home Sweet Home with Miss Stella!

2011-12-10T07:42:00.001-07:00

Cannot handle the cuteness.

Exhausted, but happy to be home!

Eyes open!!

Working on a coherent post today. Eating has been a challenge for Miss Stella (well, staying awake to eat has been the challenge), so my hands have been full trying to resolve those issues and stick my ground against a pushy on call peds doc. Should be better now that we're home! I can't wait to tell you guys all about her! :) xxxx

38 weeks, and holding my baby girl :)

2011-12-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

Story to come, but we are both doing great!

Stella joined us this morning at 2:12am after a short and intense labor. :)

8#2oz and 21" long

Baby Naming Help

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

Okay ladies - I need your help.

We are just about at 38w, and we canNOT agree on a potential boy name for this child. We are set on the potential girl name (Stella) and even have a potential backup if needed (Vivienne, and call her Viv), but boys names have been hard for us. I don't want to be those parents who spend days with "baby boy" trying to figure out a name, so this needs to get figured out asap!

~The middle name would most likely be Adam, and our last name starts with an S (two syllables).
~I'm 100% Norwegian and love traditional Norwegian names, but my cousins are pretty great kid-namers and have already used my favs (Aksel and Sydney). Anything very old traditional Norwegian (like Sven) my husband refuses to even consider.
~My husband likes very simple, common names (Luke is his fav).
~I like not-so-common names (Braxton is my fav).
~Our "compromise" names right now are Landon, Carson, Grayson, and Aiden.
Aiden is out to me (too popular).
Grayson is probably out to me (I don't want the kid's name shortened to Gray, plus his initials would be GAS).
Landon & Carson we're both "ehhh, okay" on. I want to love my child's name, not be "okay" with it.

I'd love any/all suggestions on names or websites to check out. Thank you!!

TVT

2011-12-06T07:13:00.001-07:00

Since I normally do my weekly pregnancy updates on Thursdays, I've totally slacked on TVTs, so I'm doing a Thought Vomit Tuesday instead.

For those of you who are new to the game, there are no rules for TVT - it's just an excuse to write out a bunch of your bulleted thoughts in a totally non-coherent post. :)

That's Oak's boy in the pic, and Natalie is the one who started the game. Love you ladies. :)

*It is 11 below zero this morning with a real feel of 22 below zero. HFS that is cold. My husband is working outdoors cutting tile with a wet saw today. Yikes. :(

*Delaying Cord Clamping Benefits - new Swedish study - Check it out! Our midwives are thankfully totally on board with waiting to cut until cord pulsing has stopped (this is something I've been researching for months now).

*At my 37w appointment last Thursday, Charlie asked the midwife if she thought this kid was a boy or girl based on the doppler HB rate she had just taken. As reference, in the 10 appointments I've had, the HB (manually calculated by the midwife listening and looking at the clock) has been in the in 160s - 2x, 150s - 2x, 140s - 4x, 130s - 2x. She told us that it's normal for the HB to be higher in the beginning because the kid is living in a constant state of flight or fight because the nervous system, etc. hasn't developed yet. It then often starts to slow as the child grows and develops. She then told us that later in pregnancy, a higher HB can be an indication of slight dehydration on the part of the mother (which in turn dehydrates the baby). She likened it to when you're sick and dehydrated, you feel your pulse racing... that's b/c there is less blood volume and your heart is working harder to keep it pushing around fast enough. Same thing happens during pregnancy and childbirth, and that's part of the reason it's SO important for pregnant women to be drinking water all the time - even during labor - in order to keep up hydration and avoid needing an IV, etc. Long story short, she doesn't believe in the old wives tales of prenatal HB rates determining gender, so she has no guess. :-)

*Every time I call my Mom, she answers by saying "you're not in labor, are you?" LOL

*I finally washed the co-sleeper and crib bedding yesterday and got those all set up. Why did that seem like such a scary step??? Today I'm finally going to decorate the walls of the nursery.... I might post pics later. The bookshelf for books/toys won't be here for two more weeks, and the drapes/cribskirt I want to buy post-delivery so that they can be more gender specific, so the nursery won't actually be "complete" until this kid is here. Still, I can show you some progress pics I guess.

*Thanks for the reassurance that my pissing problem will only get worse. You ladies sure know how to make a gal feel better about herself. ;)

When I Think About You I ____ Myself

2011-12-05T06:48:00.001-07:00

Admit it, it's impossible to not start singing or humming when you read that line.

Unfortunately for me (and my sex life), I now fill in that blank with the word pee. PEE.

DAMMIT OAK, I know you warned me about the perils of not keeping up with my kegels, but this is ridiculous.

I run up the stairs. I pee.
I laugh at something my husband says. I pee.
I crawl out of bed. I pee.

I'm hoping it's just b/c the kid is constantly on my bladder and this problem will resolve itself post-delivery, but I have a feeling I need to get on those kegel exercises, just in case.

Yikes. I need to pee.

Perspective

2011-12-02T14:05:00.001-07:00

GGC just posted here, and it broke my heart to read.

Please check out her blurb about Michal and her family. I don't know the whole story, but apparently Michal and her husband had been TTC for 7 years. Last week she gave birth to healthy twins, but she sadly died shortly thereafter from complications after her c-section.

Awful. Tragic. I cannot imagine.

If you want to help (or just read more), check out their website here.

Whoa...

2011-12-02T12:37:00.000-07:00

37 Weeks & Full Term Baby!!

2011-12-01T08:45:00.001-07:00

Wow wow wow.

I was laying in bed last night staring at the ceiling (a common occurrence lately since solid sleep is hard to come by), and since it was after midnight, I realized I was 37 weeks and therefore full term and that means this baby could come at any time and they wouldn't do anything to stop it and WOW. Run on thoughts much? After all the BFNs, it's surreal to think we've actually made it to this point. The next step is birthing my baby. We're going to have a BABY in this house.

Yes, I'm being redundant, but that's the circle my mind goes in. I am so excited, scared, excited, nervous, excited... ya, you get the point.

This week RockStar is probably around 6 1/3# and 19"+ long (like a stalk of swiss chard). I'm super curious how big this child will actually be when s/he comes out. If I remember correctly, I was born at 8# 9 3/4oz (Mom's water broke and she went into labor a couple weeks early) and my husband was 8# even (also born a couple weeks early - 2nd c-section for his Mom). We were both midwest babies born at <1000' elevation though, and out here in Colorado, high altitude babies tend to be smaller... based on this article, our baby will probably be 7-8oz smaller at birth than if I had gone through this pregnancy in MN. Isn't that bizarre? We shall see! Either way, I doubt we'll have a tiny baby based on our birth weights!

I weighed in at 185# this morning (up 2# from last week, up 24# overall). I'm definitely retaining some water in my face/neck and hands, but overall, I'd guess the vast majority of that is my belly (and my butt). My belly is just so HEAVY at all times now. I don't feel like RockStar has dropped at all yet - my ribs are still a hot commodity, and I spend every moment possible either standing or lying down, because sitting is most definitely not comfortable.

General Syptoms: I get a little freaked out by less movement lately, but I know that it's totally normal. The poor kid is just getting squished in there and doesn't have as much room to move around! Generally, right as I'm getting worried, I'll get a massive push to my ribs or pelvis to remind me that everything is a-okay. I'm pretty sure the butt is on the left-hand side of my belly, because that whole side will suddenly jut way out and be a big, hard mass. Freaks my husband out. :)

I'm also getting braxton hicks pretty regularly still. They're not exactly comfortable, but I try to relax and drink water when they happen. My body is getting ready for this!!

Carpal tunnel is always present... it'll be nice to feel my fingertips again... though thankfully in the meantime, the horrid burning sensation has mostly stopped. It's more the numbing sensation I struggle with now. Heartburn is standard and sleep pretty much sucks, so basically it's just the normal 9th month of pregnancy symptoms. As much as they suck, it's pretty damn cool that I'm struggling with 9th month of pregnancy symptoms. SO incredibly grateful... :) :) :)

Oh - also, at my midwife appointment today, I found out that my gonorrhea and chlamydia tests came back negative (not a huge surprise - LOL). I had those done so I could refuse the erythromycin eye goo that they put on most babies immediately after birth. My StrepB also came back negative, so no antibiotics for me! The test is good for 5 weeks, so I'm hoping I go before 40w6d and they don't have to retest me. If you test positive for StrepB (20% of women do), then you have to get a 20min dose of antibiotics every four hours while you're in labor. I'd love to NOT get tied to my bed for that if at all possible!

Finally, the next few exciting weeks by the numbers... :-)
16 days until most of my family members arrive from MN for the holidays
18 days until my entire family is here
21 days until my EDD
23 days until my husband's family members arrive (the ones who don't live here already)
24 days until Christmas
29 days until my husband's 30th birthday
51 days until my own 30th birthday

A New App

2011-11-30T10:53:00.001-07:00

For as much time as I spend on the computer, I'm a pretty technologically savvy person, but I'm fairly behind the times when it comes to phones. I had a droid for awhile (until I shattered the touch screen) so now I'm back to my trusty blackberry. I'm not a fan of the phone really, but until next September comes and I'm eligible for a new phone (instead of spending $400 on one!), this will have to do.

Today I figured out how to download an app, and it's the first ever app I've ever paid for ($1.99). It's called BirthBaby and you use it to time contractions.

HFS.

HypnoBabies Recap

2011-11-28T15:27:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned before that for our birthing time, we are planning on using the hypnobabies method. I've had a few of you email me and ask for my thoughts and opinions on the class and method in general, so here it goes! I'll write another post with my thoughts post-delivery as well of course. :) Sorry in advance if this gets a little long...

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Note - hypnoBABIES is not to be confused with hypnoBIRTHING

(they are entirely different programs)

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HypnoBabies is an incredibly comprehensive program that educates you on all aspects of pregnancy, from nutrition through delivery. In fact, one of the benefits of its comprehensiveness is that you don't need (and really shouldn't) take any other birthing classes. This is because standard hospital birth classes, Bradley, and hypnobirth method classes actually go against what you're learning with hypnobabies. Hypnobabies works to retrain the way you think about the entire birthing process - instead of approaching it with fear and learning pain-mitigation techniques to help you cope, it teaches you to embrace the process and believe that birthing can be a pain-FREE process, not just one wherein pain is managed. Not only that, but it goes through every step of pregnancy, including but not limited to - which nutrients are needed in which amounts during pregnancy, safe exercises you can do to get your body in the best shape for delivery, what to pack in your hospital bag, questions to ask at the birthing facility, how to help ensure the baby is positioned correctly for the easiest and safest birthing experience for Mom & baby, preliminary signs of birthing, how the muscles of your uterus and cervix work together during your birthing time, interventions and monitoring that are routinely recommended by OBs and nurses (and their pros and cons), and most importantly, how to feel confident in YOUR decisions and YOUR choices during your birthing time.

The majority of the women who take the class seem to be women who simply want an empowering, natural birthing experience, but on my yahoo discussion board, you also routinely see posts by women who are choosing to use HB because of nerves after a previous bad experience, to assist with a vBAC, give confidence during a twin birth, and even some who are going in for a scheduled c-section who want to be able to still approach the process with a greater feeling of awareness and calm and confidence.

You can take the class from an instructor (18 hrs total class time + all of the at home preparation), you can do the Home Study Advantage class (you complete the 6 week class on your own at home and then follow the maintenance program) , or you can do a combo (what we did - 6 weeks of home study + a one day, 6 hour intensive class with an instructor that covers everything from weeks 5 & 6 of the home study course). During the 6 week course, on the first day you read the new chapter and then you're listening to a different CD track every night (they're between 24-30min each).

To give you an idea of cost, the HSA course itself costs between $100-145, depending if you find it on eBay used or online new. The one day instructor course cost us $130. If we had done the full 6wk instructor class, it would have been $350 for the HSA packet and the class. A small price to pay to give you the tools, education, and confidence to hopefully have the birth experience you want!

FYI, hypnosis is a scary word for a lot of people, but in reality, it's just a form of very deep relaxation where you are allowing both your conscious and subconscious mind to be open to new ways of thinking. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "mind over matter" - in hypnobabies, you learn that your mind controls your body completely. That is what allows you to create hypnoanesthesia while you're in your birthing time to help keep you comfortable and calm during pressure waves (their word for contractions).

Another point that I really like is that in addition to the 6wk course book that I studied (and the numerous CD tracks I have listened to every day), there is also a Quick Reference Booklet and a Birth Partner's Guide that Charlie was able to go through. Honestly, there is no way he would have committed to reading 200 pages and listening to hours and hours of tracks, but reading the short Birth Partner's Guide and listening to just a couple of the tracks was totally doable for him. Doing the one-day instructor class was also infinitely valuable, because there is no way he'd have listened to me talk about birth for six hours. :) Sometimes I think we forgot that we can research SO much and know SO much, yet our husbands can end up knowing very little about important topics that we're pretty well versed on (whether we're talking about IF, pregnancy, or whatever). I like knowing that my husband will be educated and prepared when we go into this process together, because I'm sure what while I'm in the midst of a pressure wave, the last thing I'll want to do is answer nurses questions or ensure that they are following our wishes for me and the baby (pre or post birth).

Anyway, I could go on and on about the emotional sides of this program as well, and I'm sure post-birth even more so. At this point I'd say that if nothing else, I love that I feel calm, confident, educated, empowered, and ready for this next step. I can't wait to let you know how it goes!!

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EDITED TO ADD:

I just want to add that a few of you have emailed/commented that hypnobabies seems/sounds a lot like your hypnobirthing experience. I haven't done both, so I have no idea, but I will say that everyone I have talked with that have tried/experienced both (either as the birthing mother or are the midwife or doula) have expressed that they are very different programs. The women say that hypnobabies concentrates more on teaching actual medical grade self-hypnosis techniques to completely eliminate pain and fear, as well as giving you a more thorough education to empower you and educate you about all of the different situations that can arise during both pregnancy and L&D. That's all I know!

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Misc. Links:

A personal comparison between hypnobirthing and hypnobabies experiences...
http://www.pregnancybirthandbabies.com/comparison_between_hypnoclasses.htm

Difference between hypnobabies and other hypno-classes.
http://www.hypnobabies.com/mylink.php?id=3808

Hypnobabies gives parents all the knowledge and tools they need to really understand and trust themselves, their bodies, their babies and birth. It's not so much about painless birth, but rather having everything you need to know that you will be informed, relaxed and calm enough to make good decisions every step of the way and create the safest, most comfortable and enjoyable birth for you and your baby. HypnoBirthing focused much more on a pain-free birth being the "right" way to birth, rather than acknowledging that different women will have different experiences, and should have the skills to address and handle any eventuality, rather than only being able to handle a very "textbook" birth. In my experience it even went so far as to at least imply that women who experience pain or complicated births, especially after taking the class, were somehow doing it "wrong". I never got that feeling of judgement from Hypnobabies, but rather felt supported in making the choices that were best in my individual circumstance. --
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a3231735/difference_between_hypnobabies_and_hypnobirthing

36 Weeks and Thankful

2011-11-23T09:56:00.001-07:00

I'm officially in the 9th month of pregnancy, and for that I am obnoxiously, overwhelmingly, insanely thankful.

This isn't going to be a bulleted thankful post by any means. I'm cranky. I'm overtired. I'm feeling huge and uncomfortable. The carpal tunnel blows, and there is rarely a position I'm comfortable sitting or lying in anymore. I can definitely see how people are so incredibly ready at the end to get the kid out and to move on to the next stage.

That being said, I'm always thankful that I even have these things to bitch about. Capisce? I'm so excited to get to hold this baby in my arms - words can't even explain it!

RockStar now weighs roughly 6# and is about 18.5" long (the size of a crenshaw melon). Of course the exact size can vary widely from baby to baby at this point, but I'd believe there's a six pounder in there, just based on the insanely full feeling in my belly!

I weighed in at 183# this morning (the same as last week, up 22# overall). A fellow blogger mentioned to me last week that she actually quit gaining at the end because it was so hard to eat thanks to the heartburn. I can definitely see this happening to me. My Mom also lost weight at the end (and she had me a couple weeks early), so maybe I'm just taking after her. One can always hope! :-)

General Symptoms - Heartburn, carpal tunnel, peeing every hour, constant congestion/runny nose, etc. Nothing too crazy all on it's own - I think it just starts wearing me down all together, especially because those symptoms all together mean very little sleep for me. I seriously fell out of bed last night rolling over in discomfort. Scared the shit out of me, and Charlie didn't notice a thing! LOL

At my checkup this week, they did the StrepB test (which will be good for 5 weeks - I don't have results yet), and the gonorrhea and chlamydia tests (so we can opt out of the standard application of eye goop at birth). I measured at 35w (I was 35w5d), and the baby's heartbeat was in the 150s. She said I "might be dilated to 1cm," but since she wasn't specifically doing a check of that she wasn't sure. Kind of cool to think we're getting close though!

I had a little breakdown on Monday night to Charlie... I'm just TIRED, and I think the combination of the pregnancy symptoms + being home alone all day not working or seeing people = sad hormonal pregnant woman. I'm trying to get out of the house more on walks, etc. to combat that. Thankfully we've had great weather lately (50s and sunny today instead of -10 and freezing like last Thanksgiving!), so it's doable to get outside still. Check out this profile!

Finally, I am thankful for the little things we're starting to get together around the house. Charlie put up Christmas lights for the first time (and i LOOOOOOVE Christmas lights), we started getting the nursery put together and the closets reorganized with rods and shelving to make room for baby stuff (though there is lots of organizing and decorating to do in the room itself), and we finally have a kitchen table after 1 1/2 yrs of living here without one!

We're getting a bookshelf from IKEA to store a bunch of the stuffed animals and books on
(they're in boxes in the far corner right now).
The custom width cordless cellular blackout shade was spendy, but worth every penny I'm sure!
The dutailier glider + nursing ottoman was a Craig's List score ($200 instead of $600+ new).
The dresser/changing table was also a Craig's List score ($50 + the $20 we spent painting it).
The convertible crib was a baby shower gift from my MIL's friends. So nice of them!

This custom pub height table was built by the same guy who built our cabinets for the house when we first moved in (Charlie did a trade and built him a shed in exchange for the table).
We obviously still need chairs, but baby steps people!
The chandelier was a freebie from one of MIL's friends (it used to be an ugly gold light fixture from the 90s). We're going to replace the sconce covers eventually as well.

Peds Doc Interview Recap

2011-11-22T15:47:00.001-07:00

Fist off, I'm officially ONE MONTH from my EDD/guess date. HFS!

I know this will be a boring post for a lot of you, but I kind of like documenting every step of this process, so here ya go. :) This is the one and only peds group in the area (and by area, I'm talking a 60 mile radius of the office, which means 90 mile radius from my house). We could have chosen to go with a family doc, but I never really picked one when I moved here, so I'm not attached to anyone in particular and figured I might at well go with an actual peds office for the kiddo. Their office is in the same block as my midwife office and just one block over from the hospital, so that's kind of nice too. They also have a good website, which is a huge perk in my mind. Gotta be current with technology you know!

The waiting room, divided into teen (not pictured), sick, and well areas.

I stole the peds questionnaire below from this website in case you're interested.

Things to ask on the phone, before theinterview:

· Do you accept my insurance? (It’s always good to double-check!) Yep!

Questions to ask during your interview:

· What is your background: how long have you been a doctor, andhow long have you been associated with this practice? Did med school (6 yrs) in the Czech Republic from '88-'94. Married an American, had a baby, moved to the states, did her residency here. Was a practicing pediatrician in Albuquerque for about a decade and has been in the local area since August 2010.

· Are you board certified? In what specialty? Hm, didn't ask this. She's an MD, that's all I know.

· Do you treat parents as a partner and let them be very involvedin all of the decision-making? I didn't specifically ask her this, but just from our conversation I'd definitely say yes.

· Do you practice only conservative medicine? What is yourphilosophy on holistic medicine? She believes strongly in the benefits of western and eastern medicine working together.

· If your family has a health issue, what has the doctor’sexperience been with that issue? N/A

· How often do you recommend well child visits? Do you see mychild, or does another doctor in the group or a nurse practitioner see mychild? We just talked about the first few visits at 3-4 days post birth, 2 weeks, 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, etc. When I call and make an appointment, I can set it up with her specifically If the child is sick and needs an immediate appointment, I could end up seeing any of the five docs in the practice.

· Will your office send immunization reminders for my child? I didn't ask this because we'll be doing a delayed vaccination schedule (which she was very supportive of). She's pro-vaccine, but also agrees with the philosophy of spacing them out more, and agreed with me wanting to wait instead of giving HepB at birth.

· What are your office hours? Do you offer early, late or weekendappointments? Regular office hours are 9=5, but 7:30-8:45am is open for same-day sick visits (first come, first serve), and 5-6pm is open for same-day sick visits (by appointment).

· Will I be able to get a same-day appointment if my child issick? Who sees my child, you or another doctor/nurse practitioner? Definitely. See above for set aside hours, plus there are always blocks during the day kept open for this purpose. She would see us if possible, but it could be another doc (which makes sense to me).

· Do you offer telephone triage and advice by pediatric nurses?What hours? Is there a "best" time to call? Yes, definitely. There is one main person designated for this, and three other nurses who can rotate in to make sure there is always someone available by phone if you have questions.

· If I leave a message, how long will it typically take to get areturn call? After hours, there is always a peds doc on call. All messages returned within 30 minutes max, but callbacks are usually done immediately.

· Do you accept and answer questions by e-mail? No, not yet. Their medical records are all online (and have been for 5 years), but the company they use is still working on setting up the "client portal" so that email correspondence can be used

· How are emergency calls handled by your office? See two questions above. A doc is on call 24/7.

· How are calls handled after your office has closed? Again, see above.

· What tests are handled here, and which have to be performedsomewhere else? Where? Basic blood and urine tests are done there, but quite a few are done at the hospital (which is 1 block away). That's pretty standard for our area.

· Do you have resources to help with billing questions orinsurance claims? Oops, didn't ask.

After your visit, ask yourself:

· Did the doctor volunteer information or wait for questions? A little of both. Her nurses chatted with me for 10 minutes while we waited for her, and she actually was incredibly helpful and full of information as well.

· Did the doctor listen to your questions? Yep.

· Did the doctor genuinely like children? No idea since my kiddo was still in my belly, but I sure hope so!

· Was the office child-friendly? Child-sized furniture? Cleantoys? Yep. Child-sized tables and toys, plus different areas for sick and well kids, which I liked. They had murals painted on all the walls and hallways at child-height, which was also a nice touch.

· Was the staff patient and helpful? Yes, the scheduling woman and the nurses I talked to were both very friendly and helpful.

· Did you feel at ease with this doctor? Yes!

· Was the doctor well-informed about preventative health measures? I didn't really ask this in particular, but the nurse and I were talking about how they are big on using telephone triage for suggesting possible remedies that don't necessarily require you to come in, pay your co-pay, and put your kids on prescription meds. Of course, if you want to come in, you always have that option.

· Did the doctor explain medical procedures? We talked about circumcision a bit (She's anti them since they're not medically necessary by any means, but she has done thousands of them thanks to her time working at a huge clinic in AZ, so she's very comfortable doing them if we choose that. Her nurse actually told me before she came in that she's the best in the practice at doing them.) It was interesting hearing her perspective on them and how most parents make the decision to get it done or not done based on emotional reasons and not medical ones. She said her child is 18 and has no complaints or emotional baggage from locker room drama, and that since insurance providers (as of July 2011) no longer cover circumcision since it's not medically necessary, it's becoming drastically more common to NOT have the procedure done. Interesting...

· Did the appointment begin on time? Yes.

· Did you feel rushed? Nope.

· Was there ample parking? Yes.

· Did you and the doctor have similar views such as breastfeeding,alternative medicine, single parents, co-sleeping, etc.? Yes. She's very pro-breastfeeding (and gave me some good tips), very pro eastern/western meds working together. We didn't talk about co-sleeping but we'll be using an actual co-sleeper bed (simply b/c our queen bed is just not big enough for 3!), so I doubt she'd have an issue with it either way anyway.

Overall, I really liked both the doc and the office. She is super healthy and outdoorsey (a good sign I think!), believes in western & eastern medicine working together, and didn't make me feel rushed at all (even when I knew we'd gone over our appointment time!). I rather like that she's from a different country (the Czech Republic) and very open to the fact that there's more than one way of doing things. I think she's a keeper!

Liebster Blog Award

2011-11-20T19:51:00.001-07:00

After a super funny post wherein she hurt her own feelings thinking she had offended me because of my lack of comments (in actuality I had never been a follower, oops! LOL), the newest person I follow is Shannon over at solo pronto, and she just gave me the Liebster Blog award. Apparently Liebster means "beloved" or "favorite" in German, so thank you, Shannon!

This is an easy award - after thanking Shannon, I just need to nominate 5 of my own favorite or beloved blogs. :) Easy enough! Today I'm going to highlight some TTC ladies that are going though big time stuff right now.

(1) Jill @ Infertility Unexplained - Jill & her husband have been struggling with that frustrating diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" for nearly three years now. They are currently undergoing their first IVF cycle - please give her some love!

(2) Krista @ My Infertility Road - Krista & her husband are dealing with severe male factor issues, and she also gets random cysts on her ovaries. They are in the midst of their first IVF cycle at CCRM (the amazing clinic I used in Denver) and are hopefully doing their FET in December!

(3) Liz @ Compromised Fertility - Liz & her husband are keeping their fingers crossed to finally get to their first FET next month! She has PCOS and only one tube, plus 2 cancelled transfers for IVF/FET in the past because of fluid in her uterus. I so hope they finally get this chance at their miracle baby!

(4) Sarah @ Him + Me = Three? Maybe - Sarah & her husband have been TTC for 3 years (PCOS) and after a roller coaster surprise BFP last summer that ended in a m/c, they have made an appointment with the RE and are jumping back onto the TTC ride.

(5) Michele @ Greetings from Nowhere, NM - Michele and her husband are dealing with living in the middle of nowhere (kinda like me!) which means being far from a selection of specialists to help with this IF journey (possible hypothyroid & MF issues). She's in the 2ww from her most recent IUI. After nearly 2 years TTC, I so hope this is it for her!

Don't forget to check out my TTC Prayers page if you are looking for someone who might be in a similar situation as you! I have it divided into IVFers/IUI & Natural TTCers/Adopting/PAIFers/Moms that I follow. Within each category it is pretty well listed in chronological order (length of TTC or age of child). It's so awesome to me to watch my lists slowly become bottom heavy as more and more people join the PAIF/Mom lists, but it's still so hard to know that so many of you are stuck in the TTC hell of the first 3 categories. Once an IFer, always an IFer, and I pray that somehow we all end up with our children in our arms someday.

How I'm Killing Time...

2011-11-18T12:44:00.001-07:00

Over the past month, I have watched a ridiculous amount of TV. I like reading too, but with the carpal tunnel, it's currently hard for me to hold books. How sad is that?

At any rate, this means I've had plenty of time to form opinions on the current TV shows out there. Here area few of my favorites. :)

Revenge is an awesome new drama on ABC. I love love love it. I honestly only started watching it b/c the female lead is played by Emily VanCamp (who was on the newly canceled Brothers & Sisters - a show I dearly miss), but the whole show is awesome. Check it out! It is one of those shows you'd really want to start from the beginning if possible though - there's just a lot of back story going on. Totally worth it though!

Grey's Anatomy & Private Practice - It's been interesting seeing how they handle IF issues on these shows lately (Meredith & Derek have chosen to try adoption and Addison is going through IVF). I'm more impressed recently than I was a couple of seasons ago when IF issues first came up and phrases like "hostile uterus" and "I only have 2 eggs left" were erroneously, ridiculous used. I think their writers have gotten a LOT of feedback from the IF community.

The Mentalist - Charlie and I somehow came across this show on its very first episode a couple of years ago, and we have been hooked ever since. Think Law & Order but with more continuous story line and development of really great characters, plus Patrick Jane (the main character) is so freakin' cool, and I love that he helps solve crimes just by being super attentive to people and paying attention to detail.

Body of Proof - This is a new medical drama.... another Law & Order type show mixed with lots of medical references. Apparently Charlie and I love a good detective show. :)

Modern Family - Funny, funny, funny. If you don't know what this show is, you live under a rock. I love this show - there is no better comedy out there, and I love that though it stereotypes, it does so in an inclusive, accepting way (and not just tolerance). The whole concept of being "tolerant" of other drives me insane, because would you want someone to "tolerate" that you are different or "accept" you for being different? This show is just straight up funny though, and I have yet to find anyone who doesn't agree!

Two Broke Girls - This is another new show this season that is SO funny. Maybe I like it because I've worked in the restaurant industry, but my husband likes it to, so it must have something addicting about it.

LIVE with Regis & Kelly - I used to watch this religiously, though it's been a few years now since I had a schedule that allowed that. I've watched this whole farewell to Regis week, though, and today I was bawling when they sang a take on the classic Rent song Seasons of Love that was all about Regis and his career. It was seriously awesome.

And finally, this isn't a TV show, but it's a great article in Vogue that I came across today about a recent wedding that happened in my little town. It's a nice article, and you gotta love the gorgeous pics.

35 Weeks

2011-11-17T10:29:00.001-07:00

I never got around to posting this yesterday because I never got around to taking a belly pic and now it's Friday and I'm in my PJs and thinking UGH, I don't feel like taking a picture, so I'm just going to post this already. Instead of the normal belly pic, I'll include a photo I took while I was working out on my elliptical a couple of days ago. Holy belly.

RockStar is 18"+ long and weighs 5 1/4# (roughly the size of a honeydew melon). Kicks and flips and punches happen day and night at this point, though you can definitely feel that the kiddo is getting more squished in there. It's still SO weird when I can feel the whole body/back swing from one side to the other. I'm hoping s/he settles into an occiput anterior position soon, though I know that realistically the baby can keep shifting even during labor.

I weighed in at 183# this morning (same as last week, up 22# overall). I'm glad the weight has stabilized a bit. I know I'll gain more before this is all over, but I don't need to be gaining 2.5# per week like I did the two weeks prior! Every other day I'm making sure to do 30 min on the elliptical and/or at least a 30 minute walk with my dog. Feels good to be a little more active again. My legs are still so weak when it comes to squats though - yikes!

General Symptoms: I'm still rocking wrist braces to help with the carpal tunnel. Another fun side effect of that is that my arms/hands/fingers go numb super quickly now, so even if I've found a comfortable sleeping position for my belly/back, I have to flip after a few minutes b/c of my arms. Between that and the constant need to pee, this means very little sleep for me which means very little sleep for my hubby. This is harder on him than me since he has to get up to go to work in the morning. Poor guy. :( Also, Wednesday night I woke myself and him up b/c I YELLED my sister's name (EMMA!!!) at about 2am. I cannot for the life of me remember the dream anymore, but it freaked us both out. Way weird.

Heartburn is always hanging around (though it's the worst right when I'm laying down for bed). Pepcid helps 1,000,000 times more than tums, but I'm trying to limit it to 1/day since they're so much stronger.

Other than that, I'm pretty darn lucky I guess. I'm ready to meet this child, but it's also a pretty fun time to feel RockStar moving around all the time and feel so connected to him/her. As much as I'm not a "unicorn love shitting rainbows loving being pregnant" type of person, I will definitely miss that connection.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms little one. ((HUGS))

A Swimsuit Saga, Before & After

2011-11-16T08:14:00.001-07:00

First off, thank you everyone who commented with so many words of support and encouragement last night. I know I'm not the first person and won't be the last person to feel like this...I'm just hoping this particular moment in life passes by more quickly than most.

At any rate, my boss from one of the restaurants I worked at all summer has perfect timing and decided to have all of the female staff over for a girls' night last night (they're currently closed for off-season so everyone was free). It was SO nice to get out for a bit for the first time in the last nine days. My boss (who is the same age as me) told everyone to show up with an appetizer and a swim suit. That's a little intimidating as a pregnant lady, but luckily I knew that one of the other servers is 32w along so I wouldn't be the only one with a belly hanging out.

That being said, my belly is gettin' HUGE, yo.

On our honeymoon in Jamaica in 2008.

Same swimsuit 3 1/2 yrs later... but tied a lot looser to still fit!

Isolated...but not truly alone

2011-11-15T14:59:00.001-07:00

I've got to admit, I've been in a bit of a pity party of one mode lately. Through no choice of my own, I've been done working for a month already, and assuming a 40w delivery, I'm still five weeks out from meeting this little one. That equates to two months of doing nothing pre-baby...which also means two months of no income pre-baby, not to mention the never ending question in my mind of what the hell are we going to do post-baby?

I know that they say there is never a "perfect time" to have a child, and after going through IF, statements like that hit even closer to home.

We don't get to "time" when we have our kids (I get SOOOO many comments about being due around Christmas and "how could I do that to my kid"), our occupations can suffer because we need more flexibility for RE appointments, and we usually don't survive TTC with our savings accounts intact thanks to the fact that the majority of us in this ALI community don't end up reaching our goal of bringing home our children until we have spent thousands (or more often, tens of thousands) of dollars on IF treatment and/or adoption costs.

If you're lucky enough to get that BFP (and believe me, I know that I am lucky!), most in the ALI community then spend the next 36 weeks freaking out about all of the "what ifs?" ...and if you're like me, you get to this point, and then you start freaking out that you actually need to RAISE this child.

I think that's a weird by-product of IF. You get so focused on GETTING pregnant, that sometimes the end goal of actually having a BABY that you need to raise for the rest of its life... that point of reality gets lost in the shuffle.

I've spent the last month feeling so incredibly lonely and isolated. I think it's just because I'm not working, so I'm not getting any human contact. I have time to go out, but I can't drink, and yes, I seriously miss that type of social interaction. I could do lunch dates with girlfriends, but that costs money that I really shouldn't be spending right now, so that's off the table. Shopping for baby things is also no fun when you're thinking about every penny.

I know I'm not the first soon-to-be parent to stress about "how are we going to do this?" I know I'm not the first person to feel alone and disconnected from society.

But that doesn't make it any easier right now.

The only thing that has been helping is days like today... a day when it feels like RockStar has been practicing nonstop for his/her spot in the finale of Dancing with the Stars. My belly has been hopping and bopping and moving all over the place, to the point where I have to just stop and laugh and stare in awe. No matter how isolated and alone I feel right now, I have to remind myself to be grateful that for the time being, I get to have little RockStar with me every minute of every day, and that is such a blessing.

Je t'aimerais toujours RockStar.

Birth Preferences - Revised

2011-11-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

Like I mentioned yesterday, my midwife (CNM) and I went through everything below, step by step, and she had a lot of incredibly positive feedback for me. Shawna told me that honestly, if she is my midwife, I wouldn't even need to bring this because it's exactly how she prefers to see births proceed. She did say that it's a good idea to have it with anyway though, just in case I feel like my husband or the nurses need a visual reminder of my hopes and desires for this experience. :-) I also received a phone call this week from one of the Family Center/Hospital nurses (who happens to be my neighbor down the street), and she is really interested in getting together to talk about the HypnoBabies program and to get a better sense/feel of what it is and how to best support me during my birthing time. How cool is that?

I'm feeling SO positive and optimistic about the whole birthing experience at this point. Thanks to my HypnoBabies home study course, I'm listening to my Joyful Birthing Affirmations every day and to other relaxation and self-hypnosis tracks every night. I'm aware that complications can arise and that things rarely go exactly according to plan, but much more strongly, I'm aware that my body was made to do this, and that going into it without fear is going to make a world of difference in my experience. If worst-case scenario happens and a c-section is required to ensure the health and safety of momma or baby, I still believe that being educated and informed about my options and the procedures and having a thorough knowledge of self-hypnosis and relaxation techniques will allow this to be the best experience possible for me and for RockStar.

I'm including my midwife's responses and/or my reasonings for certain requests in orange. Obviously this will be more less wordy/more streamlined when I bring the final version into the hospital as well.

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Our goals with this plan are centered around the following wishes:
-To be allowed freedom of movement for a comfortable labor
-To avoid medications
-To allow nature to take its course, particularly avoiding inductions.
-A safe, healthy baby and mother at the end.

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Requests Prior to Labor
-Minimal internal exams
-No artificial induction (including stripping of my membranes or breaking of my waters) GOOD to specify - Shawna has seen the nurses break the bag of waters without consulting anyone. Make sure this is communicated when I arrive at the hospital.

Requests During Labor
-This will be a HypnoBabies birth. Please assign a nurse that is partial to natural birthing. This is something I'll request right when I'm checking in. So far it seems like most of the nurses are very supportive of natural birthing at my hospital, which makes me very happy!
-Externally monitor the baby if possible, and please do as seldom as possible. No problem - internal monitoring is only done in the rare occasion that a baby appears in distress and they need closer monitoring.
-Please keep lights and voice low. No problem - Shawna says she likes to have the room practically dark when the baby joins the world. :)
-No artificial induction (including pitocin) No problem.
-No meds offered or pain scale questions asked of me. If any medical interventions become necessary, I want to be fully consulted first. Good for you!
-If an IV is needed, please use a hep-lock. No problem. I requested this so I can still use the tub/shower.
-Please refrain from injecting anything else through the IV without consulting us first. Good to specify. Sadly, sometimes meds are administered by nurses without consultation first.
-Be able to walk, move, or change positions as desired during labor. Definitely.
-Be allowed to eat/drink during labor. As long as labor is progressing naturally (without pitocin, etc) she has no problem with this.
-No routine episiotomy. Definitely not - their practice has one of (or maybe THE?) lowest rate of this in Colorado.
-Minimal coached pushing. No problem - Shawna likes to sit back and let nature takes its course - a very "hands off" approach.

Requests for Post Birth

-Immediate skin-to-skin contact between mother and baby, please delay any cleaning or rubbing if baby is doing fine. As long as baby is breathing fine, this is not a problem.
-Breastfeed asap. Yep.

-Delay cord clamping until pulsation has ceased. Definitely. I want this done because of all the research that shows numerous benefits to allowing the oxygen rich blood to continue to transfer to the newborn. Why would we cut that off? Even the WHO has removed the practice of early cord clamping from their list of guidelines.

-No cord traction for placenta removal. Definitely not. Deliver the placenta unassisted and avoid pitocin if possible. We discussed what "unassisted" meant to me. No manual extraction without meds, etc.

Please delay newborn procedures for at least two hours: I had written one hour, and she suggested two, because the first two hours are when the baby tends to be awake and looking around, and that bonding time is so important.
-We choose to waive the Antibiotic Eye Ointment* Sounds good. This is really only done routinely b/c of high risk deliveries to mothers who have STDs.

-We choose to delay the Hep B vaccine** Good for you. Again, only routinely done b/c of high risk deliveries to mothers with Hep B (who also tend to be mothers who don't bring their babies back in for routine checks ups and later vaccinations, so docs figured one dose of the Hep B vaccine was better than none). Since I don't have Hep B, she has no problem with me delaying this until an age I feel comfortable with.

-No artificial nipples (bottles/pacifiers) to be used at any time. I had "please avoid using" and she suggested saying very clearly NO (and making sure a sign to that effect was also posted on the crib).

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The one change I made to the plan was removing the request to skip the vitamin K shot (which helps with blood clotting). I'm not a fan of how huge the dose is in the shot (something like 20,000 times higher than the needed level), but I've read (and been told) by my midwife that the oral dose isn't as effective because the baby's body can't yet process it correctly. We had considered only doing it if RockStar comes out a boy and gets circumcised, but I'm still kind of on the fence. For now, I've removed my request to skip the shot... we shall see.

Helpful Links:

http://www.kitchenstewardship.com/2011/10/04/the-evolution-of-a-birth-plan-three-kids-later/

http://green.yourway.net/our-bradley-method-birth-plan/
http://simpleorganic.net/10-childbirth-norms-parents-can-refuse/

*I'm getting tested for gonorrhea and chlamydia pre-delivery to 100% rule those STDs out since that is the only reason that hospitals routinely use silver nitrate or erythromycin on baby's eyes.
**I'm working on our delayed vaccine schedule and will post when I have it all worked out.

She found me! She found me!

2011-11-11T08:26:00.001-07:00

Remember my random post last month to the girl I met at the bar? Well, her name is Tiffany, and she found me!

I have my comments set that if a post is more than a week old, they have to get approved by me to publish. I'm honestly not sure why I set it up like that, but whatever. At any rate, I just noticed yesterday that I had a pending comment from the 29th to approve. Oops. Then I started reading it, and HFS, it was from the girl at the bar!

Tiffany - I'm sorry it took my blind ass 11 days to notice you commented!!!

I hope that over the past couple of weeks you've found some other women to connect with through this amazing network of IFers. It's really the most supportive community I've ever been a part of. I'd never wish fertility issues on anyone, but I am super thankful that our IF issues allowed me to discover that this great community of women exists.

If you ever want to talk, my email is linked to my profile. You commented as Unknown without an email linked to your profile, so I can't write you first. :)

Welcome to the fold!

34 Weeks, & My Favorite Midwife

2011-11-10T09:52:00.001-07:00

RockStar weighs approximately 4 3/4# and is about 18" long at this point (roughly the size of a cantaloupe). The central nervous system is maturing, and the lungs are continuing to mature as well. This kiddo isn't considered fully baked yet, but they say that babies born at 34-37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. Whohoo!! I'm considered full term anywhere from 3-8 weeks from now. December 1st is full term, so RockStar, you are welcome to come out anytime after that!

I weighed in at 183# this morning (up 5# over the past two weeks, up 22# overall). I'm sure that traveling and eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted (including lots of my Mom's delicious homemade bread!) for 10 days didn't help that number. Oops. I'm trying to eat healthy and get some movement in every day again now.

*Braxton Hicks are still occurring on a pretty regular basis... sometimes I barely notice them, sometimes they're pretty uncomfortable. I think it's worse when they happen while RockStar is up playing in my ribs.

*I passed the glucose test last month. They want to see a number under 135 and I was 129. I kinda forgot about the test and downed a vanilla milkshake the night before the test, so I'm glad I passed anyway. :-)

*I passed the iron level test two weeks ago. I don't remember my exact levels, but they were "nice and high," which was good, because I've struggled with borderline anemia over the years.

*My Hypnobabies home study course is still going well, though I need to be better about making it a priority each and every day. The full day wrap up class with the teacher is only 10 days away, and after that I'll do a recap of the program for anyone that's interested. I'm feeling super excited about the whole thing so far!

I had an awesome appointment with my midwife today. There are a few different midwives at my practice, and they're all very nice, but Shawna is definitely my favorite. She told me she's out of town Dec21-23 (I'm due the 22nd), but if this child comes any time other than that, she'll do her best to be the midwife on call for me, which makes me VERY happy! She's the most "natural" of the midwives at the practice, and she had lots of wonderful things to say about my birthing preferences letter that I brought in today. I'll post my final version of that soon! Next on the list is to pick our pediatrician. Yikes!

Motivation

2011-11-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

...Or the lack thereof.

Now that I'm not working a job that keeps me literally running steps all day, I KNOW I need to be working out. I am petrified of packing on the pounds these last few weeks. That being said, I'm currently laying in bed watching TBL and looking at my elliptical with dread because I'm just so damn tired. Ugh!

A Toast to RockStar - aka, My Virtual Baby Shower

2011-11-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Back on September 29th, I woke up at 28 weeks, checked my phone, and promptly starting crying. Now, nearly six weeks later, I'm finally getting the thank you post together. In the meantime, I have laughed and cried my way through all 17 of your posts multiple times. Oak - thank you SO SO much for throwing RockStar such an awesome virtual baby shower! I'm including links to each of the posts in case anyone cares to read through them all. I've already printed them all out for the baby book. :-)

My Mom, Julie (Juls) - The onesies my Mom sent say "Merry Christmas" in Norwegian (I'm of 100% Norwegian heritage), "I love Grandma" in French (I used to live in France and am/was fluent), and a Minnesota Vikings onesie. SO cute. My Mom has an amazing way with words, and her comments/emails to me throughout this pregnancy have brought me to tears multiple times. This post was no different, especially when she signed off with the quote "Love you forever. Like you for always. As long as you're living, my baby you'll be." I love you Mom.

My sister, Audrey - Audie is the closest of the siblings to me in age, and we grew up doing everything together. Her post touched on so many wonderful childhood memories of mine (ours?!) and made me smile and laugh the whole way through. It's so fun to think that hopefully our own children will be creating memories like that together someday.

My sister, Augusta - Gussy is the middle child in our family, and she is definitely the most sensitive (and empathetic, poetic, etc!). Her poem to RockStar and Ode to me both brought tears to my eyes. Love, respect, and have no fear because I will always love you. Amen to that! I love the cuddle monster onesie as well. :-)

My sister, Emma - Emma is the youngest sister in my family, and she is the one who is always the most cheerful and optimistic of us all. I especially loved her advice to RockStar - remember to stay humble, be kind to all, work hard, be creative, and love and respect yourself along with everybody else. She also posted a ridiculous drunk picture of us from last Christmas. Thanks little sis. :) Below is a pic of the onesie she is sending... too cute! For those of you not familiar with the phrase Uff Da, it's a very Norwegian thing to say (and quite common to hear in MN)... it kind of means "ugh, whoa, wow, yikes"... or whatever you want it to mean in the context you say it. Hard to explain!

Bradshaw @ Are You the Gatekeeper? - Bradshaw is one of the very first bloggers I ever followed (back in Nov09!), and I consider her a close, personal (REAL LIFE) friend now days. I've mentioned before that she's like the female version of my husband, and she never fails to crack me up. She is from STL (just like Charlie), so it's fitting that she sent RockStar (or Peanut, as she calls the kid!) his/her first Cardinals onesie. It's pretty awesome that the Cards won the world series the year our RockStar is to be born! :) Her post is pretty awesome...thanks for all the kind words hon. ((HUGS))

Amanda @ Our Fertility Journey - It's only fitting that Amanda got me a HFS onesie, especially since I actually wrote HFS in my text to her the morning I was sitting in my bathroom, staring at that very first positive pregnancy test, and texting her b/c I was freaking out that there is no way it could be real. Hungry For Seconds isn't quite the meaning I intend when I write HFS, but it's infinitely more appropriate to put on a child. Good call Amanda. :) I'm so happy we got a chance to finally meet in real life!

Kelly @ Little Looman Log - Kelly is another one of the wonderful bloggers that I got to meet up with at our Blogorado gathering. I've been following her for a long time, and it's so fun to read all about her daughter these days. She got me this awesome eco-friendly onesie of a snowboarder in the pines. Too cool. :) I can't wait to teach RockStar how to ride!!

Oak (the organizer) @ The Elusive Embryo - What can I say about Oak? We've had the pleasure of meeting up four different times in the past year, and as my sister commented on my post on Monday, I love Oak! This onesie is pretty awesome too - I think it was Charlie's favorite of all the ones we've received. I can't imagine why? :-)

E @ Many Many Moons - E sent me this beautiful gift bag (I got seriously excited about it - it's so artsy fartsy and pretty and outside the realm of things I think of doing), and inside was the cutest onesie and bib set ever! E and I have been communicating outside of the blog world for nearly two years I'd say, and I cannot wait to meet her IRL someday. She is funny, and sarcastic, and I totally love her. I pray every day that you'll have your own bundle in your arms soon - any day now, you and H will get your match. I cannot wait!!

Natalie @ I was told there would be pajamas - Nat is another blogger that I've had the pleasure of meeting up with multiple times in the past year (she's another Colorado girl, like me). She is funny, funny shit (seriously - check out her post!), not to mention the creative creator of the baby shower button. Speaking of creative, she sewed these various assorted RockStar onesies for our RockStar. How awesome is that?! She also made me cloth reusable baby wipes and gave me the ingredients to make the wipe solution. I'm so excited to try it out!

BU @ Relaxing Doesn't Get You Pregnant - BU is a newer bloggie friend of mine, but I had the pleasure of meeting up with her IRL at Blogorado, so I feel like I've known her for a lot longer. Her posts are always so sarcastic and self-deprecating and humorous - I'm so glad that we've been able to connect though the interwebs! She sent me a hand-me-down rock star onesie that he awesome little boy once wore - he's so dang cute, and I'm hoping some of that rubs off on my own child! :)

Sarah @ Baby Talk - Sarah sent this awesome Scrabble onesie to continue our tradition of using Scrabble letters to celebrate important moments in life (namely our engagement and our BFP!). It's pretty dang cool, if I do say so myself. :-) Sarah is pregnant with her own little miracle right now, and I am SO excited for her!

Beeker's Mom @ The Adventures of Beeker - Beeker's Mom sent me the incredibly thoughtful, amazing gifts pictured below. A hat for Charlie, a scarf for me, and a blanket for RockStar, all made by her!! The blanket is SUPER soft and awesome (and machine washable, so we'll actually USE it!), and the scarf and hat are incredibly nice too. Thanks for thinking of all of us and taking the time to make these beautiful gifts for our family!!

Carlia @ The Stork Drop Zone - I seriously laughed out loud when I saw Carlia's post that morning, and when I opened up the onesie in the mail and showed it to my husband, he just groaned. :-) Carlia has been through so much during TTC over nearly a decade, and I am SOOOO beyond happy for her that she is finally going to be a Mommy! Her surrogate is due just a couple weeks after Rockstar, so our babes will be close in age. So cool.

Bridget @ The Lost Stork - Bridget just welcomed her own little bundle of joy, and it's been so fun following her pregnancy and knowing that I would be experiencing the same worries and joys just shortly after her. I love the onesie too!

Stephanie @ Blawnde's Blawg - Steph and I started following each other and emailing outside of blogland long ago. I'm so happy that she now has her beautiful little girl and that I'll be joining her in mommyland soon. :) Isn't this a fun onesie that she made for RockStar? Love it!

S @ Erratic - S is not a TTCer, but she is an awesome chef and great writer. Check her out! She also loves bacon, obviously. :-) I found Erratic through Bradshaw, and they are both great non-TTC peeps if you're looking for some good reads that have nothing to do with EWCM. :-)

And finally, here is the one and only piece of clothing that I have bought for this child thus far...I just couldn't resist. :-)

Thanks again to everyone who participated in this amazing shower, and to Oak for being the organizer. I have made so many amazing friends through this crazy blogland over the past two years, and this post only shows a sampling of the wonderful people whose lives I now follow and feel so invested in. Tomorrow marks my 2 year blog anniversary...it's so hard to believe it's only been that long. I'm so glad that I found all of you.

I'm Baaaaack!!

2011-11-07T09:47:00.000-07:00

My Mom and sister and I got to have lunch with Oak on Saturday (sadly Mac couldn't be in attendance), and on Sunday I flew back to Colorado. If you care to see more pics, I've posted some here on my family blog.

I'm still working on my thank you post for the virtual baby shower. It's coming soon, I promise!

I'm also experiencing lots of Braxton Hicks lately. They're definitely uncomfortable, but I'm trying to just remind myself that they're my body's way of practicing for my birthing time. So crazy to think that this kid could come anytime in the next 3-8 weeks and that'd be "normal." Wow!!

Let's Get It Started

2011-11-04T17:54:00.000-06:00

Oh my gosh - I just clicked on a link to this article from my hypnobabies website, and I about died laughing. Enjoy the video below... :-)

33 Weeks, and Time with a 3yo

2011-11-03T12:30:00.000-06:00

RockStar is approximately the size of honeydew melon / heft of a pineapple this week (a little over 4# and 17"). The kiddo is putting on fat and losing some of that wrinkled old man look, and the brain is developing rapidly. So cool. :)

I didn't weigh in this morning since I'm at my Mom & Dad's house in Minnesota. I'm feeling bigger by the day though, so I'm hoping that I only put on 1# this past week. We shall see... I'm here until Sunday, so normal programming will resume next week.

General Symptoms: The pregnancy massage helped a lot with the carpal tunnel pain, as well as just being awesome in general. :-) I'm still keeping the wrist brace on my left wrist for the majority of the day (and all of the night), but at least some of the numbness and swelling have gone down. Heartburn has been AWFUL still (Pepcid is the only thing that really helps - the others are a joke), and I sort of hiccup/burp all the time thanks to the heartburn. Fun.

On the upside, I've been seeing lots of great family and friends ever since Friday, and one of my closest girlfriends from college and her daughter drove up last night to visit. It was surreal to lay in bed with her 3yo between us, reading books, and talk about how different life was from a decade ago when we used to have drunken sleepovers in college and talk about boys. How things change...

Giving the baby a hug (right after a tumble down the hill which got a nice nest of cockleburs in her hair - which then stuck to her Mom's sweater - LOL)

An aspiring photographer... and she actually takes really good pictures!

Only 7 weeks to go... wow wow wow...

TVT MN Style

2011-11-01T07:40:00.000-06:00

*I'm going to get a massage in an hour from a doula who specializes in maternity massages. Pretty stoked about that. Thanks, Ma! (and here's to hoping she can help with the damn carpal tunnel)

*My sister (who is a head volleyball coach at a university in MN and a workout RockStar) took me to the gym on Saturday morning. Nothing too serious - 20 min on the treadmill, 30 min swimming laps in the pool, and 30 squats with the bar in the weight room. I COULD NOT WALK until today. Seriously. Apparently I need to start working on those squats before my birthing time. It's not a good sign when sitting down to pee makes you want to cry. Wow.

*HUGE congrats and lots of prayers going to Mech & Baby Hopes. They've been TTC since May05 and are in the midst of adopting two children...and Baby Hopes just got a surprise natural BFP. She is one of THOSE stories that are so annoying b/c they perpetuate the myth of "just adopt and you'll get pregnant," by HOLY CRAP I am beyond excited for them that they are one of those stories. In her words, "[she IS] your neighbor's best friend's sister's mother-in-law's co-worker's daughter," and I couldn't be happier for her!

*RockStar officially likes to hang out in my ribs and play them like harp strings. OUCH. But so cool.

*Vacations go by much too quickly. I love my family.

*Sorry for the brief check-in and the lack of commenting, but I'm trying to enjoy every minute I can while in MN with the fam. I don't fly back to CO until Sunday, so it'll probably be next week before I'm really back in the game. It's kind of nice to disconnect for a bit!

(the pic above is of my sister A, me, my sister E, and my Mom. E & Mom swim laps every Saturday morning at the local gym, so we joined them last weekend... that was the day of the squats.)

32 Weeks, and 1 Last Vacation

2011-10-27T08:24:00.001-06:00

GOOOOOD MORNING!
:-)

I'm not sure why I feel so chipper this morning, but as I'm not generally a morning person and I'm usually kind of a grump, I'm going with it. :-) Tomorrow morning I'll have to be on the road at 5am to head to the airport (10 days in MN with my family - whohoo!!), so I definitely enjoyed snuggling in bed with my hubby this morning until 6am. There's something so nice about snuggling under the covers when it's cold and snowy outside. Phew. I can't believe winter is here.

RockStar is now about 16.7" long and weighs roughly 3.75# (the size of a large jicama). I guess the kiddo is gaining about 1/2# per week at this point, which is pretty incredible to think about. It's so nice to know that at 32 weeks, RockStar is basically just plumping up and getting stronger every week. I obviously don't want him/her to come out for awhile still, but it's comforting to know that it wouldn't be the end of the world at this point if that happened.

I weighed in at 178# this morning (down #1 from last week, up 17# overall). My weight always seems to vacillate a bit, and if I gain 1#/week overall for the rest of this pregnancy, that'd be a 25# weight gain, which was my high-end goal, so I'd be pretty darn happy with that. My belly is still growing by the day - it's pretty incredible to see how quickly the fit of my shirts is changing at this point. HFS.

General Symptoms: My linea nigra started showing up last week, but I forgot to mention it. Kinda crazy to see that little line getting darker and darker.

The kiddo is definitely flipping and stretching and kicking and moving a lot now. It's pretty awesome to feel (and see!) that connection with him/her. I can tell how much bigger RockStar is because it's beginning to take a lot of effort to get in and out of the car (or from any seated position really), and it is generally accompanied by a lot of grunting and shortness of breath.

I've also started wearing braces every night, all night, and for at least part of the day that are helping a bit with the carpal tunnel pain. I might have my chiropractor put some kinesio tape on me, but we'll see. I have a massage appointment set up for next Tuesday already, and when I get back from MN I'll probably make a visit to my acupuncturist. I also found my arnica when I was cleaning out the bathroom drawers this week, so I'm going to try to apply that every day as well. Thanks for all of the advice you gave me ladies!

Lots to do today before I fly out tomorrow - I'm so excited!!

Carpal Tunnel is No Joke

2011-10-25T09:44:00.001-06:00

DUDE

...yes, I just wrote "dude."

DUDE, it feels like everything from my left fingertips up through my left elbow is burning off. My right side isn't too bad (I suppose b/c I'm a lefty?), but whoa, my left side... who knew that swelling and numbness could be accompanied by such a sharp burning sensation?

Has anyone else experienced this lovey side effect of pregnancy? I have a brace on it now, and it's fine most of the day when I'm up and about, but as soon as I lay down for a nap or to go to sleep, the pain is on.

I obviously can't take any NSAIDs or get a steroid injection to help... is a brace my only option? Do any of you have alternative treatments (chiropractic care, etc) that helped?

Baby Shower #2, O What a Beautiful Day!

2011-10-24T07:53:00.001-06:00

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends in this area. Six weeks ago, my mother-in-law's friends threw me a couple's shower, and last weekend, two of my good girlfriends threw me another baby shower that was more for people our age. It was a fall theme, and per my request, included NO silly games (thank goodness!). I only got a few pictures, but it was a beautiful day, full of good friends, delicious mimosas, and lots of great baby gifts. HFS, I have a room full of baby stuff!

The drive out to my shower location (my girlfriend lives about 5 miles outside of town). Not a bad view. :)

M's cute little ranch house (her hubby works on a local ranch that provides housing).

I love fall decorations!

She had the perfect living/dining area for entertaining!

Another friend of mine made the DELICIOUS cupcakes and cake. Beautiful, no?!

All of those leaves and pumpkins were edible frosting and fondant!

Just a portion of the food they whipped up - I forgot to get a pic once everything was out. :(

Love these ladies. :-) The girlfriend on the right is 18w along with her first child as well (she's the one I wrote about with the early m/c the same week of my BFP - she has severe endo issues). They threw a wonderful party, and they are both such kind-hearted, fun-loving women. Good, good friends.

A dark cell phone pic of the loft this morning (the crib is piled full of stuff as well, as are the nearby closets). Yikes. Time to start organizing!

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Also, I plan on doing a recap of the awesome virtual baby shower y'all threw me. I just need to get organized and take some pics of the different onesies that go with the different posts that were written. I'll get on that asap!!

A Birth Plan - Proactive or Irresponsible?

2011-10-21T11:09:00.000-06:00

I started writing this post as a preface to my next post revision of my birth preferences letter, but I'm so freakin' annoyed today that I decided to just put it all out there separately and get it off my chest. It feels better anyway to keep my birth preferences posts happy and positive because that is how I feel about this upcoming birth: I am calm. I am hopeful. I am excited. I am educated.

As a quick recap, I am planning on a hypnobabies midwife-assisted hospital birth (a compromise between me and the hubby - I wanted home water birth, he was more comfortable with a hospital birth). The only reason an OB would be involved is if an emergency c-section became necessary for the health of me or the baby. This decision was made after a lot of research on my part during the TTC hell years. Before, I had always assumed (induction + epidural = baby) was the only way to go. I no longer feel that way. I also don't sit here and judge women who haven't come to the same conclusion as me - it's a hugely personal decision. I've been blogging here about my personal preferences simply because I hoped people might find some of my research helpful when they're making their own decisions.

So here's the deal. Both my midwives at my practice and the nurses at my hospital specifically requested that I come with my birth preferences written out. They are all of the belief that it's a positive thing to be prepared and to understand the options available to us as parents, both during the birthing time and during the first hours and days of a baby's life. I truly appreciate that - it's an amazing feeling to know that my thoughts, hopes, and concerns will all be heard and honored whenever possible. It's a huge reason I chose the midwife practice that I did, and I've been pleasantly surprised at the wonderful working relationship they have with the nurses at our local hospital as well.

... this is where I start getting pissed off.

Lately I've been reading a lot of posts in the IF world that are highly critical of women like me who want natural births, and specifically I've read a lot of posts that are hugely critical of those mothers who come in with a birth plan - like that somehow makes me needy and demanding and unrealistic. I have read multiple posts and comments where it was stated that women like me are somehow "asking" for things to go wrong because I have an idea of how I'd like/hope things go during our birthing time, and that I'm somehow putting my baby in danger by stating my birth preferences.

These are often the same people who perpetuate fear and horror stories about birthing having to be an incredibly painful process full of complications and basically say that it's irresponsible to want to try a more natural approach, especially without the option of hospital interventions in the room. This drives me INSANE, especially because I truly believe that a huge amount of the complications and "emergency" c-sections we have in America are actually caused by all of the hospital interventions that have somehow become standard now days in our country. Did you know that 1 in 3 first time moms give birth via c-section in the US? That is one of the highest rates of all the industrialized nations of the world - there is something hugely disturbing with that statistic. Birthing can be a long process, and I think that often times the doctors, the nurses, and even the birth mother get too impatient to move things along and intervene before it's necessary or even prudent. YES there are emergency situations where a c-section has saved the life of mother and/or child, and it is wonderful that we have that option, but I 100% believe there is absolutely no way that women's bodies which were CREATED to birth babies should have a 1 in 3 chance of needing a major abdominal surgery in order to safely birth the child.

This kind of got off track, but my points are these:

*I believe that having a birthing preferences letter in place will help my midwives and nurses to know and respect my hopes and wishes for this birthing experience whenever possible.

AND

*That in no way means that my utmost goal isn't to have a birth experience that includes a healthy mommy and baby at the end.

...so please, for the love of God, quit saying that I'm somehow unrealistic, irresponsible and putting my body and my baby at risk by arriving at the hospital with a birth plan.

Btw, RockStar is kicking in agreement with me right now, so I know I'm right. :-)

31 Weeks, and My Last Day of Work!

2011-10-20T16:23:00.000-06:00

Wow - I can't believe I just wrote that post title! I bartend tonight, and that is my last official day of work for... well, I don't know how long. It's such a relief to know I'll be off my feet and no longer working nights (both of which were getting pretty exhausting for me lately), though it's slightly stressful on the money side of things. However, I've come to accept that money stress is just a part of life, so we're rolling with it. :)

RockStar is now about 16" long and weighs roughly 3.3# (approx. 4 naval oranges). It's so surreal to think that there's a fully formed human moving around inside of me. Wow. RockStar's kicks and punches are definitely getting stronger - waking up in the middle of the night from a punch to the pelvis or ribs is a common occurrence lately. I gotta admit, I kind of love it. The first part of this pregnancy was so miserable, so I'm glad that at this point, I'm kind of enjoying it!

I weighed in at 179# this morning (up 1# from last week, up 18# overall). As always, it's startling to see that number continue to climb, though I know one pound a week is nothing to be concerned about. Still... phew. Just another one of those crazy changes that are all for this little one!

General Symptoms: Heartburn has been awful this past week, and for the past few days, every time I lay down, my left arm and hand goes numb. Not fun. I went to the chiropractor yesterday, and I had two ribs in my back out and some janked up stuff in my neck, so I'm hoping that helps now that it's fixed, but we'll see. I also think I'm having some braxton hicks occasionally... we'll see if those continue.

Also, to those who asked last week, yes I had my hair done. Good eye. :) I cut off about 4-5" in July and that much again last Wednesday. My hair has been growing super fast and just had no shape or style. This is definitely the shortest it has been in a long time though, so it's a little shocking for me to look in the mirror!